of paper from his desk and started writing on it aggressively. "So there's the time on the hood of Fox's truck. The carousel, my bed, my shower, the train car, your bed, the trip out to Dead Man's Isle..." JJ kept jotting down each and every place where we'd had sex while I just stared at him in confusion, my heart thrashing painfully as I tried to understand what the hell he was doing until he tallied off the number at the bottom and scribbled down a figure before striding around his desk and slapping the piece of paper against my chest.
"Here's your bill, sweetheart," he said in a cold, hard tone, his eyes dark with fury as my fingers automatically curled around the piece of paper and I just stared up at him in shock. "And to be honest, I charge by the hour so you're getting a bargain there, because I've given you all the sleepovers and cuddling and all of that bullshit for free."
He shoved away from me, ripping open the door to his office and slamming it behind him as he stormed away.
Pain ripped through my heart as I stared down at the bill he'd given me, each and every moment we'd shared in each other's arms tallied and accounted for like he'd been keeping score the entire time. Like I was nothing but another day's work to him and now he wanted his frigging pay day.
I stared at the figure scrawled at the bottom of the page, my eyes burning with tears which I blinked away aggressively. Because no. Fuck no, he wasn't getting my fucking tears. If that asshole wanted to charge me for his motherfucking time like I meant nothing more to him than any one of his paying clients, then he could have his well earned money.
I didn't even know why I was surprised. Of course he hadn't wanted to keep me. No one ever wanted to keep me. And as the pain of that oh so miserable fact of my life tried to drive its way into my soul, I felt the curtains closing in around my heart. The same ones I used to draw close when Shawn would call me a whore and tell me I was only good for taking his cock. The same ones I'd relied on to keep my feet moving forward day after day while I was all alone and had nothing to live for aside from the sad fact that I didn't want to die.
So I focused on the one clear thing I had to work towards and blocked out the agony trying to consume me as that little lost girl started begging for attention from deep inside me. I wouldn't let her out. I couldn't. I'd bury her just like I'd learned to a long time ago and I'd take JJ's bill as the wakeup call I'd needed. Of course he hadn't just stopped escorting for me. Of course this was all I was to him. And maybe he'd tricked himself into thinking I was something else for a while there but now he'd figured it out. I wasn't worth loving. I wasn't worth any more than any of the women who had paid their way into his bed and now he was rectifying the mistake he'd made by giving me this. So he could have his fucking money. I wouldn't owe any man anything ever again. Least of all JJ Brooks.
I just had to figure out where the hell I was supposed to get twelve thousand, three hundred and sixty-four dollars from. The asshole had even added a surcharge for sucking his cock. Damn we’d had a lot of sex.
I ground my teeth, folded the piece of paper up and shoved it into my back pocket before snatching my phone out and calling Luther.
The pain inside me was threatening to drown me but I just forced it back, retreating from it and numbing myself to it until I couldn't feel it anymore. Until I couldn't feel anything and nothing mattered aside from my goal. I’d get his money then I could lose my shit after that if I had to.
"Wildcat," Luther answered, a curious lilt to his voice. "Do you have good news for me?"
"Not yet," I replied. "I just need some cash. Do you still run a chop shop up on Sailor’s Street?"
"We do. We can turn around pretty much anything there. But if you want some real money, I have a