Badger,” she said in a warning tone, but she didn’t answer my other questions.
My grip tightened on the steering wheel and I fought to keep my temper in check. In all the visions I’d imagined of her coming home after ten years, this was not one of them. I’d always thought that once she was back, I’d figure out a way to make her mine. But the more I tried to claim her, the more she seemed to pull back even further, despite the fact that her body gave away exactly how much she desired mine.
Now she was fucking Maverick right under my nose and I just had to suck it up until I could figure out how to get rid of him. But what if she fell in love with him before then? What if she already was? Did he care about her like that? I couldn’t see it. Not after everything I’d witnessed Maverick do in Sunset Cove, the men he’d killed, the trail of blood he’d left in his wake. He’d changed, and I didn’t want her falling for some illusion he was painting for her.
JJ had told me Maverick had eyes among my men too, and that was seriously unnerving. How could he have turned a Harlequin? Maybe it was just a bluff and he was trying to fuck with my head, but I’d have to question all of my men and try to figure out if it was true or not regardless.
“Maverick isn’t a good man anymore,” I said, trying to keep my voice level. “You don’t know what he’s done.”
“I’m well aware of what he’s done, but I don’t see how it’s any worse than what you do in the Crew,” she said lightly.
“I don’t make deaths bloody unless I need to,” I said. “I swear Maverick does it because he enjoys it.”
“Well maybe I like that he’s not afraid to show his monster,” she tossed back and my shoulder muscles bunched. “Who knows? Maybe I’d like you a bit more if you showed yours more often.” The comment was off hand, but it made a growl build in my throat. I didn’t show her that side of me much because that was the last thing I wanted her to see me as. I’d done things in the past ten years that could put even Maverick’s dirty work to shame, and I didn’t want her witnessing that. I wanted her to see the good left in me, but maybe what remained just wasn’t all that appealing anymore.
Although, whenever I pushed her boundaries and showed her exactly how much power I could seize over her body, she always seemed to like it. I was starting to think she really did want me to take the decision away from her and bend her to my will, and the idea of that got me seriously hot. But I wasn’t gonna do shit unless I could be sure that was what she wanted. Or maybe I was just deluding myself and she was planning to shack up with Maverick as soon as she got the chance. Over my dead body.
We arrived back at Harlequin House and I drove us down into the garage, switching off the engine so quiet settled between us.
“I’m not going to stop fighting for you, Rogue,” I told her, gazing out the window instead of at her. “I can’t, it’s in my blood. But I’m starting to wonder if the battle’s already lost.” I shoved the door open, stepping out of my truck and heading upstairs into the house. I unbuttoned my shirt as I marched up to my bedroom and headed inside, tossing it into the laundry hamper and unbuckling my pants.
This house felt suffocating lately. I could feel the press of Chase’s room across the hall from mine like it was pushing the walls toward me inch by inch. We’d stopped sleeping in there, leaving it as a sort of shrine to him, but one day I knew we’d have to go in and clear through his things. I just didn’t want to. I hadn’t even thought to do it after I banished him from the Crew, let alone now that he was dead.
My grief welled up again and I walked into the bathroom, resting my hands on the sink and staring myself in the eyes, facing the consequences of all the decisions I’d made in relation to him. I had to own it all, every ounce of regret, every pound of