may have told him I didn't want rescuing but right now, I needed a white knight or a dark saviour or even just a deal with a devil. Because I wasn't done with this life no matter how shitty it had been to me. And I was ready to emerge from the dark at last.
T he midday sun beat down on my back, baking me through until all I could feel was blinding heat, the pain in my hands and ache in my spine. I worked tirelessly with Fox, Maverick and Luther, all of us falling into this desperate, endless rhythm as we just dug through the rubble in silence. But the silence wasn’t in my head. In my mind, there was a roar of noise, of fears, regrets and panic.
I should have gotten to her sooner.
I should have held onto her tighter.
We never should have come here at all.
A paramedic appeared, offering out water and checking to see if anyone needed help. Fox’s right hand was fucked up, the strip of his shirt he’d wrapped around it bloody and caked in dust, but I knew he wouldn’t let anyone tend to it until Rogue was back in his arms.
I’m so sorry pretty girl. I won’t abandon you again. I’m coming. Just hang on, please hang on.
Luther thrust a bottle of water into each of our hands when none of us paid any attention to the paramedic’s offerings. Mutt yipped and after I guzzled down half the bottle, I moved over to him and held it to his mouth.
He lapped at the water thirstily and I gave him as much as he wanted before pouring the rest over his back to keep him cool.
Fox’s face was fixed in a mask of determination as I re-joined his side and kept digging. I could see the war in his eyes which he was fighting to win, because if he gave in to the fog of panic that hung around us, he’d lose it. I was battling that same war and all I could do was focus on one brick at a time as we clawed our way deeper into the devastation.
A team of Harlequins worked around us, clearing the rubble we shifted aside so it never piled up too high and I’d never been so glad to have the Crew at my back.
I thought of Chase down in the shattered building too, my friend, my fucking brother. He had no one in this world but us and I hated thinking of him dying alone, made an outcast from his family, believing none of us loved him anymore. But I did. What he’d done was terrible, but I knew where it came from with him. I knew he was just trying to hold on to the one thing life had gifted him. And that was us. Me and Fox. But he’d gone and shot himself in the foot, lost us in his stupid attempt to keep us. Now none of that mattered to me. I just needed to get him out, needed to see he was okay.
The panic was welling and I started to lose my grip as it reared up and surrounded me.
Rogue…Chase. Oh god.
Please be alive, please.
“Fox,” I rasped, feeling myself slipping as I rested a hand on his arm.
“Don’t JJ, just keep digging,” he demanded, clearly sensing where my head was at.
“But Fox,” I croaked.
“Keep fucking digging,” he barked and I did.
I hadn’t ever been going to stop anyway, I just had to fight back the doubts creeping in, refuse to let them take over.
I took in a few ragged breaths and met Maverick’s gaze from where he stood across from me. He gave me a stiff nod of encouragement and I continued, the pain in my body starting to recede into a numbness that I wished would seep into my heart so I didn’t have to face the agony of doubt clawing at it.
We worked on and on until Mutt jumped forward as we made it through a section of shattered tiles, his little nose twitching as he sniffed. Then he barked loudly again and again, wagging his tail and I shared a look with the others before we all grabbed more of the debris and started tearing through it at a furious pace.
“Rogue!” Fox bellowed.
“I’m coming for you!” Maverick roared.
“Rogue – Chase!?” I yelled and my heart all but stopped as a repetitive banging sound reached us.
“Rogue,” Maverick gasped. “Dig!”
We all fell into a frenzy, shifting more and