she would, and the worst part about that was that I’d driven her there. Maybe it was better this way, ripping the Band-Aid off myself rather than letting her do it for me down the road. I just wished it didn’t feel like fucking dying.
I felt like utter shit any time I thought of giving her that stupid bill to pay for my services. It had been so immature and every time I remembered her paying me the money, I wanted to destroy something. She’d been so angry with me and who could blame her?
I’d shoved the cash in my nightstand drawer, not touching a single dollar of it since, but every time I slept in my room I could feel it there. And it felt like regret and shame.
Fox swallowed and I could see how hard he was trying to mask his own pain over Chase. The day we’d come home from the hospital after we’d found him, we’d just sat up all night talking about Chase and Shawn and all the things this could mean. We’d drank our weight in Chase’s favourite rum and ended up falling asleep out on the sun loungers, sharing in our relief, our pain. But since then, he’d shut down again, sliding his Harlequin armour back in place.
“We have to be careful. We don’t know what he’s told Shawn,” Fox said, a crease forming on his brow.
“He wouldn’t sell us out,” I scoffed in disbelief.
“I don’t know what he’d do anymore,” he muttered. “He already betrayed us once.”
“Fox…” I started, but the sound of a car pulling up outside the door reached me and I ran forward, wrenching it open as Mutt started barking.
Rogue was already out of the cab, grabbing the wheelchair from the trunk and Chase pushed the door open and hopped out. He dropped into the chair as Rogue rolled it up to him. She propped up his left leg which was in a cast, and I took in the gauze he had taped over his right eye too.
He wore a simple white tank top and black shorts, but wherever I could see exposed flesh there were cuts, old wounds and burn marks. My heart broke all over again and I found myself just standing there, frozen in place as Rogue greeted Mutt then moved to wheel Chase towards the house, ignoring me entirely. The dog immediately jumped up onto Chase’s lap, making him curse as he made his bad leg jolt and the dog sat facing me as he used Chase like a moving throne.
“Hey,” I said hoarsely as Rogue pushed him right up to me and I knew I was blocking the way inside, but I still couldn’t make myself move.
“Hey,” Chase said with the ghost of a smile on his lips, but it was quickly swallowed by the darkness in his gaze and a look of utter fucking horror which hung about him. I needed to make that go away, I knew it in my soul. It was my damn duty to heal that pain somehow, but I didn’t know where to begin.
“I was just telling Chase how badass he’s gonna look with an eyepatch,” Rogue said, her gaze glinting but I didn’t miss the ripple of pain that ran through her expression. “Don’t you agree, J?”
She was playing the I-don’t-give-a-fuck act again, talking to me like nothing had happened between us and that was worse than being on the receiving end of her anger. At least when she was shouting at me, I knew she cared. But when she was like this, it was as if the two of us had never even happened.
Right now, I needed to put on a brave face for Chase, so I slapped on a grin that stretched a little too tight across my skin and nodded my agreement. “Yeah, it’ll be cool, man. You’ll be like Nick Fury from The Avengers.”
“You don’t have to do that,” Chase said, looking away from me. “I’m not a kid. I know what this is gonna be like and it ain’t nothing good.”
Rogue flicked his ear. “Don’t be a Debbie downer. Scars are hot.”
“Mm,” he grunted and I smirked.
“She’s right, dude, you’re gonna get so laid,” I said, aiming to cheer him up but he just looked empty and that killed me. The sheer fucking happiness and relief I’d felt at having him back was now being wholly swallowed by that void in his gaze. What had Shawn done to him? Was he ever