I thought he was gonna start another fight with me. “No, Fox. Because it’s too late. Chase is gone. Maverick’s gone. And this house is starting to feel real empty.”
“And that’s my fault?” I snarled.
“Maybe it is. And maybe you’re gonna wake up alone in this big old house and wonder why one day, because you just can’t see it, can you?” he hissed then shoulder barged past me and headed out the door, his footsteps pounding off downstairs as my heart jerked.
I looked to Rogue, heat rising up the back of my neck. I turned to leave but she called out to me, “Wait. Stay.”
Those two words meant more to me right then than she would ever know. Between gang meetings and handling the attacks on our hometown, plus wrestling with the cloying grief and guilt that plagued me over Chase, I barely slept and spent way too much time alone.
I was trying so hard to hold myself together so I could keep the last of my family safe, that I had barely spent any time with Rogue, unsure if she even wanted me around.
She patted the bed beside her and I moved into the spot JJ had vacated. She slid closer, wrapping her arm around me and resting her head on my chest. The cold clutch of grief on my heart eased a little as the scent of coconut slid under my nose and I just closed my eyes and held her, wishing I could take her pain away, trap it in a jar, weigh it down with rocks and throw it into the ocean.
“I’m sorry,” I breathed, meaning that on so many levels. “Don’t hate me.”
“I don’t hate you, Fox,” she sighed. “It’s not your fault. JJ just needs someone to be angry at right now.”
“I know,” I admitted. “And I’ll be his punching bag if that’s what helps him through this.”
Silence fell between us and I listened to Rogue’s soft breaths as I held her close, so fucking tired I wished I could fall asleep. But I had a hundred things to do today, responsibilities I couldn’t escape, but I so badly wanted to. For now, I’d steal a little peace with my girl as our grief spilled between us and bound us together in a new way that I’d never wanted.
“I don’t think I can bear it, Fox,” she whispered. “It doesn’t seem real. I can still feel him right here.” She moved a hand to her heart and I took hold of her fingers, moving them onto my own heart.
“I feel him too,” I said gently.
The last human remains had been pulled from the ruins of The Dollhouse last week, but there was nothing identifiable among them. The bodies had been so badly damaged in the collapse that the police were going to be using dental records and DNA to try and identify the final missing people. But when it came down to it, they’d all been declared dead and that was that. Either way, we had no body to bury, no grave to give us closure. He was just…gone. And maybe that was why we were all so lost in this house, we were waiting for a call that wasn’t going to come. Holding onto the futile hope that he might just walk back in the front door one day, because it didn’t seem possible that he wasn’t a part of this world anymore.
Hot tears ran over my chest and I held Rogue tighter as she came apart.
“He saved me,” she choked out. “That was the last thing he did, and I know he hurt me before and that he was a raging asshole sometimes but…” She didn’t have words to finish that sentence and I just soaked in the weight of that final thing he’d done, wishing I could thank him for it.
A crash sounded and Rogue lifted her head as we wheeled around, finding Mutt had knocked the nachos onto the floor and he dove down after them with a yip of celebration before he tucked into his meal.
A low laugh escaped me, breaking the tension in my body and Rogue chuckled too, her watery eyes lighting up a little.
She looked back at me and traced her thumb over the corner of my lips where the smallest of smiles sat.
“Go talk to JJ,” she urged. “I’m gonna take a shower.”
“Okay,” I agreed. “Though I don’t think it’ll do much good.”
“It will,” she said firmly. “Just don’t be an asshole.”
“Impossible,” I said