heart is aching to be with him. I think I’m going to tell him I want us to be an us again.”
“I am so happy for you, Ashley. You both deserve to be happy, and Alex deserves to see that happiness too.” Leigh immediately answers. “Mom told us how he’s been with you and Alex, and she sees the bonds forming. I think you’ve been through a lot, but you need to give your heart a break. You need to let love in and let love grow. Stop punishing him for making a mistake. Yes, I know, what he did was horrible, but he’s been trying to make up for it.”
I listen to what Leigh’s saying, and I agree with what I’m hearing. It’s true. Clayton’s doing everything he can to make things right, but I’m making it harder and making him jump through hoops. The start of us will be great. I trust him, and I know this second time around will be everything we want. Everything we hope for.
Is he trying his best to make up for his mistakes? Yes, he is.
I sigh and take a sip of my wine. “I’m so scared.”
“I know you are, babe. Life is all about taking chances and letting love back into your life. This is your second chance. Alex is older, and he’s seeing his father in a light he’s never seen before. I think if you can push aside how hurt you are, you’ll see the beauty behind his attempts.”
“You’re right. I will.” Words race through my mind as I try to think of what I want to say to him. “Of course, I love him. The only problem is I don’t know how I can bring myself to that level of trust and wanting to do more with him. Wanting him to be there all the time.”
Leigh listens while holding her glass of wine. “I hear you. I think you need to let go of your sadness and anger. You’re carrying this weight on your shoulders, and I need you to let it go. Let the pieces of the puzzle fit together. You’re trying so hard to piece everything, and it’s going to drive you crazy. It’s going to make you overthink and overanalyze. You need to let go and live.”
A rush of guilt washes over me, knowing I’m keeping Clayton at a safe distance. The time we’re spending together is making me see how he’s sincere and wants us to be a family. Thinking about Alex and how close he’s getting to Clayton warms my heart but makes me cautious. A tear leaks from my eye, thinking about how much Alex loves his dad. I want to protect him from any hurt in this world. I want to prevent something from happening.
Is it all in my head?
“What’s on your mind?”
“Just thinking about how Alex and Clayton have been together.” I pause. “I know I shouldn’t compare my experience with Clayton to Alex’s experience. Deep in my heart, I know Clayton will be an amazing dad and give Alex the dad he wants.”
“I hear you about that. I think you have to make a choice – you can trust Clayton and be stress free about this, or you can have these walls surrounding the both of you and feel like the world will swallow you both.”
What Leigh’s saying makes sense. I need to try as hard as Clayton’s trying. I can see it when he’s here, and I can tell when Alex’s face beams with light while he talks about him.
“Stop overthinking.”
I blow out a breath. “Yeah, I know. I’m trying not to. I can do this. Alex is happy, and Clayton hasn’t done anything to make me think otherwise.”
“There you go. I trust him.”
“I do too,” I whisper and finish my wine.
The next morning, I get Alex ready, and we head to the park. While I’m getting him in the car, he looks at me, and I feel as though he’s holding back a question.
“Is there something you want to ask me, honey?”
“Well,” he says nervously, “I think I lied to Dad.”
“Oh? Why do you think you lied?”
He looks around, avoiding my question, and it makes me wonder what a five-year-old could possibly lie about.
“I told him you were busy, but you wanted me to ask him to meet us at the park today.”
“That’s okay, Alex. I appreciate you telling me the truth. Next time, let me know before you do something.” I don’t want to show him