another defining moment. At that moment, we have two choices.
Back then, I thought I knew what I wanted. I thought I was making the right choice, and my path was paved for me. I was scared when I found out the truth. Everything I worked hard for was flying by me, and all I saw was a bum—a disappointment.
She was my regret. The burning pain of watching her leave and realizing she wasn’t coming back pushed me over the edge, and I was falling without landing. I was young and fucking scared. I was scared of what a baby would do to my life. I was scared of failing and not living up to be the father I had.
Mostly, I was scared of losing her.
Letting her walk out of my life changed me. Seeing the pain in her eyes when I told her to take care of the problem broke my soul. That look, it stayed with me, and I wasn’t ever able to shake it off. There were a million reasons why I should’ve reached out to her and see how she was doing. See how my baby was doing. Something stopped me every time. I was always going to be a reminder that I broke her heart and she didn’t need me around. I convinced myself I was the monster and letting her go was the best decision.
But I was never able to let her go.
She was and still is my defining moment.
If only I could accept the loneliness.
The emptiness.
I can’t embrace it. Our story isn’t over. There are chapters without us, but now I’m here and I’m going to do everything I can to make things right. Our story will never be over. My plans to see her again, to see my child, to convince her we can be in each other’s lives, that’s what’s going to continue the chapters of our story.
I stand in the middle of the football field, taking a deep breath as I look out over the green fields with white markers. The pang of missing the cheers from the crowds and seeing the team score, I miss it.
Man, there’s something special about being here again—the smell of fresh-cut grass. The empty stands waiting to be filled with drunk and happy fans, cheering for their team to bring it home. I can see Will Hail Marying it down the field to make a touchdown. As I stand here, proud of the team I worked with, it brings me back to the past.
I rub my hand over my face, trying to clear my head and remember why I’m here and why I’m standing where I am.
This is home.
I left five years ago to go back home to Spokane to be there for my family. There wasn’t a second thought I had. My family needed me. Without giving it a second thought, I packed my things and left the place I calling home.
Being back here is calming and peaceful. For the first time, for as long as I can remember, I can breathe. My mind is my own, and nothing is holding me back. It’s been a week, and something’s unsettling inside me. The air surrounding me is quiet and filled with the weight of regret.
A beautiful woman with long brown hair and the eyes I used to fall deeper in love with one look. I remember her perfectly. Every crooked smile or silly laugh. I remember the way she’d sigh after making love and feeling her in my arms, feeling her heartbeat in the middle of the night as she slept soundly, and I watched her. This perfect angel was sent to me and saved me.
“Hey, man.” I look over and see Will coming my way. “How’s it feel to be back?”
I shake his hand and nod. “Great. Thanks for helping me out. I appreciate it.”
“No problem. Got a plan yet?”
I wondered about the plan while I drove back to Seattle. This plan was in my head for the past five years since I let her walk out my door, and I didn’t go after her. I can still remember the moment I found out about my baby.
“I hear congratulations are in order.”
I look at Will and raise a brow. “What?”
“You’re a dad. How the hell don’t you know?”
“Fuck,” I mutter and rush out of the office and to my car. The blood drains from my face, and I go on autopilot. I become light-headed, and I’m barely able to keep my hands steady.
Never