comes, I’ll be here with open arms. I’ll always be here by your side.”
“I need to show you something else. It’s in my bedroom.”
“Oh?”
She playfully slaps my arm. “Not like that. Don’t make it dirty.”
“Alright. Lead the way.”
We quietly walk down the hall, and when we’re in her bedroom, I shut the door and keep my distance, watching her walk to her dresser and pulling out a notebook.
A gasp leaves my mouth, and I’m trying to hold back the emotions. “Is that…”
“I’ve tried letting it go.” She holds the blue notebook against her chest. “I read it every now and then, and I felt your love from the pages. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, and it’s confusing.”
I take the few steps so I could be near her. “Those words are still true to this day. I promise you, Ashley. I know it’s confusing, and I hate that you’re feeling this. I want to help you understand what’s going on because it’ll help me as well. Let’s work through it together.”
I stare down at the notebook we shared. All the words we wrote to one another. It holds our deepest desires. Our secrets. It holds the love we had for each other.
Shaking my head, I force myself to speak. “I’m sorry, Ashley.” Our eyes meet again. “I replay your pregnancy and how difficult it was, and I think about how I should’ve been there.” I place my hands on her face and wipe her tears. “I didn’t mean to kill your soul. Your heart and soul should be cherished, and I should’ve done a better job at taking care of you.”
“You’re here now.” She musters a smile. “That’s what’s important. We can take it slow, and yes, even though you let me walk away, I was the one who walked. Even though you didn’t respond to my letter, I should’ve done something else.”
“I’m just sorry you had to go through this alone. No more, though. I promise you. You won’t know what being alone feels like again because I’m here.”
“You’re here.”
I lean in and kiss her forehead. “Yes, baby.”
Chapter 25
Ashley
After the night in my room, something’s changed between us. We’re spending more time together and time as a family. Each time we’re together, it’s getting easier. I don’t feel the need to push him away and try to hold things in. We’re learning from one another again and maneuvering through this experience.
Together.
Tonight, I’m working my first overnight in a while, so Clayton’s here to be with Alex. I could’ve had Alex go to Leigh’s with my mom, but I’m giving Clayton a chance. This is what we all need. Alex should spend more time with his dad and get to know him. If I’m taking a leap of faith, then I have to let down all my guards. As scared as I am, I know deep down, it’s the right thing to do.
Walking back into the kitchen, I watch Clayton cleaning up after the dinner we had. He told me to rest a little before I had to get up for work. A lightness in my chest settles, and peace surrounds me.
Alex’s mood is lighter, and the smile that I love so much is back on his face whenever Clayton is around. I want to make everyone happy.
I want to be happy.
“Tell me more about Alex. Tell me more about what you’re doing at work. I want to know everything,” Clayton says to me while I finish making my lunch for tonight’s shift.
I inhale deeply. Being around him, like this, feeling normal and like a family brings a smile to my face. I know we still have a long way, but in time, we’re going to get there.
“What do you want to know?”
“Everything. Tell me everything again. I don’t care if it’s something you’ve already told me. I can’t get enough of hearing about Alex.” He thumbs through the photo album, laughing at the picture of Alex on his first birthday. “I don’t want to miss any more moments.”
“He spent the first few months in the NICU. I had a complicated pregnancy and birth. I lost a lot of blood and was in a coma. He fought for his life, and when I woke up, I missed the first month of his life, so I stayed in the NICU, next to him. Reading him stories and singing lullabies. After five months, I was able to bring him home. I couldn’t produce, um, because, um.”
“What is it?”
My back’s to Clayton,