for how long. I’m only asking for a chance to be the man, to be the father, I know I can be.”
“I need time to think about this,” I tell him and take a few steps back. “Please. That’s all I ask. Give me time to process you being back and wanting to see Alex.”
“That’s fair. I’ll give you time. Thank you. Truly, I appreciate you giving this a chance.”
The only thing I can do is smile and walk out the door. Once the night air hits my face, I break down and let out the tears I’ve been holding in. Clutching my chest as I cry, I try to breathe.
I don’t hear the door open, but I sense him before feeling his arms wrap around my waist, pulling me back against his chest, and his lips kiss the top of my head.
Chapter 17
Ashley
The next morning, I lay in bed, trying to piece together what happened last night and why I couldn’t bring myself to let him back in. Seeing him again brought back how I felt when he let me walk out of his life. I waited by his door for a few minutes, not fully realizing what was happening, and then it hit me that we were over.
Hearing his apologies opens old wounds. The wounds I’ve tried to forget and not look at. It doesn’t change that he had a choice, and he chose not to contact me. I’m not heartless. I’m not an understanding person. He had to be there for his family. It’s what I would’ve done as well, but to ignore me and not try to reach out. It doesn’t make sense.
How can he expect to slide back into my life?
How can he expect me to let him get to know Alex?
I’m not stupid. I know he’s his son, and I knew this would happen one day. I didn’t think I’d react this way. I thought I would be stronger and confident but having him near me pushed away all the confidence I had and replaced it with feeling small and insignificant. Then it hits me.
The knowledge he’s back and understanding I can’t keep him away from his son strikes me. This isn’t who I am, and this isn’t someone I want to be. Keeping Alex away from Clayton would hurt him in the long run. One day, he’ll ask me what happened, and I’ll have to tell him I made the decision to keep him away from his dad. Just the idea of how he’ll react breaks my heart. It’ll be cruel.
As a mother, I need to not only keep him safe but also show him how to forgive those who’ve hurt us.
If we’re going to talk about this, then he needs to be here, on my field, where I can feel safe and not feel the walls closing in on me.
Grabbing my phone, I text Clayton and ask him to come over. His response is quick.
Clayton: I’ll be right over.
It’s those four words that make me spring out of bed and rush to the bathroom, so I don’t look like the walking dead and somewhat presentable. The dark bags under my eyes need to be covered. I don’t want him thinking I can’t handle working and raising Alex because I can handle whatever life throws at me.
For example, Clayton Turner coming back into my life.
I pinch the bridge of my nose when I hear the doorbell ring. I mutter a quick prayer and head toward the door. Opening it, I see him standing a few feet away.
“Hey.”
I open the door wider. “Come in.” My stomach balls in a knot when he steps into my home that I built for Alex. The door shuts, and I follow a few steps behind him. “So, this is our home. It’s not much…”
“You built a home for our son. That’s what matters. You don’t need anything fancy to make me happy.” Clayton slowly approaches me. “You’ve done a great job, Ashley.”
When I look up, his burning eyes are on me, and as much as I want to say something, anything, nothing comes out.
“I should’ve walked into that hospital room. When I saw him next to you, I assumed you had moved on with your life, and I didn’t want to mess up anything. I know I let you walk away, and that’ll be one of the biggest regrets I have in my life. That, and abandoning our son.”
His eyes close as if the pain from his words