down and grabbing a bag of Cheetos. “So, what’s going on with you? Fill me in and take my mind off what’s going on with Marcy.”
I fill her about Clayton and him saying he loves Alex and wants to spend time with us.
“Then we’re outside, and he has me cornered saying he loves me, and he’s not going anywhere.” I pause, thinking I hear Alex. When the quiet takes over, I continue telling her about what’s going on. “Alex asked me if Clayton could spend the night Saturday since I’m pulling an overnight, and I said no. The look on his face… I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him disappointed. I feel like I’m failing him and letting my fears dictate how to handle the situation.”
“You’re doing the right thing. You need to get a feel of Clayton and see what he’s up to. On the one hand, he could be telling the truth and want to get to know Alex and mend things with you. Then, on the other hand, he might leave when things get tough.”
“That’s who Clayton is, and I can’t bring myself to trust he’ll be there for us when something happens. I want to believe he’s going to do the right thing.”
“Listen to your heart.”
I scoff and take a drink from my wineglass. “My heart is saying one thing, and my head’s saying something else. I want to trust him.”
With Clayton back, it’s knocked me off course. Decision-making never used to be this hard. I have to think about Alex and what’s best for him. Then a part of me needs to protect myself.
I feel myself getting emotional and suck in a breath. “It’s not fair. He can’t come back after all this time and expect me to welcome him back into our lives with open arms.”
“You need to have a long talk with Clayton and tell him everything you’re feeling. Don’t hold anything back.”
“We have.”
“Have another one and try not to be emotional when you talk to him. You need to have a rational head on your shoulders. Don’t give him the upper hand to use anything against you.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Do you think he’d do that?”
“Want the truth?” I nod. “No. I think Clayton’s being honest and wants to be Alex’s Dad. I think he’s thrown off as well because he wasn’t expecting you to put up such a fight. He loves you and I know you love him too. Don’t let your fear make decisions. You have someone willing to make things work. Most men don’t turn back, but Clayton’s trying and that should tell you something.”
I blow out a breath and feel my spine stiffen. “I’ll try.”
“Best you can do. Now, enough of our dramas. Let’s focus on the hotness that is Jay Harrington.”
The next morning when I get Alex in the car so he can get to camp, he looks at me, and I ask him, “Are you okay, honey?”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course. You can always ask me anything.”
Alex sighs and looks around before asking me his question. “Can I have a mommy and daddy?”
This question throws me back, and I’m not entirely sure what he’s asking. “What do you mean? You have me here, and Daddy comes over to see you. Do you want to see him more?”
“I want Daddy to live with us. All my friends have mommies and daddies together. I don’t have that.”
“Oh.” I hold back my tears. I’m not ready for this talk, especially with my five-year-old. “Mommy and Daddy are friends, honey. You get to see him whenever you want. If you want him to come over more, then I’ll ask him.”
“It’s not fair.” Alex’s tears fall from his eyes. “I love you, and I love Daddy. I want Mommy and Daddy together.”
“Oh, honey. I know. These kinds of things take time.”
He huffs. “Whatever, Mom.”
I groan. I hate it when he gets into these moods. Nothing I say will make him feel better, and somehow, I think it’s my fault.
“I love you, Alex. So much.”
“I love you too, Mom,” he mumbles and looks away.
Am I failing as a mother?
After dropping Alex off at camp, I head to Dana’s to check on her and get advice from my older sister.
Walking through the door, she immediately hugs me. “You okay?”
“My son hates me,” I slump my shoulders and shuffle to her couch. “Aw, your baby belly is getting bigger. How are you feeling?”
“My doctor pulled me from work.