I have eight more weeks, but I swear I could go at any time.”
“I’m so excited to have a nephew. Do you have names yet?”
She places her hand on her face and rubs her forehead. “Ugh. No. We cannot figure out. Jesse has a few ideas, and so do I. We just can’t agree on anything.”
“Oh, man. I’m sorry. Let me see the list, and I’ll give you my ideas on it.”
Dana shakes her finger at me. “Not a chance. You came over for a reason, and from the look on your face, you have a lot on your mind, so spill the beans. What’s going on?”
“Alex hates me. He’s asking why Clayton and I don’t live together. It’s been a month since Clayton’s been back in our lives, and so far, I guess it’s been good. In the beginning, I hated him and wanted nothing to do with him. Now, I don’t know, Dana. He’s starting to put himself in our lives, and Alex is falling more and more in love with him. I can tell he’s over the moon in love with his son. Now, where does that leave me?”
“I hear you. You have to remember Alex is only five, and he’s seeing his friends with their parents together, so he wants the same.”
“That’s the problem. It’s been a month. It’s not like I’m going to have Clayton move in or anything. We’re friends, and yeah, I mean, I love him, but right now, we can’t be together.”
“Why not?” Dana tilts her head and is pushing me to open more. “Besides him leaving, which I agree was a douchebag move, but what else is holding you back?”
“I don’t want to be hurt again.”
Clayton leaving left me broken. I had to lift myself up. After I sent him the letter, I didn’t hear back. It was torture. I didn’t know what was going on and why he didn’t love me anymore. By the time I got over him and started moving on with my life, nothing worked, and I hated being alone, but I was beginning to accept it.
Then Clayton shows up at my door.
“How do I know if I can trust him?” I look down and play with the cuticles on my nails. “It’s hard, Dana.”
“I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I know what you’re going through. I think you and Clayton need to spend more time together. Not just with Alex, but the two of you. So many years have passed, so who knows if the love is there. You might be driving yourself crazy for no reason.”
“Yeah, I hear you. I need to just take the leap of faith and spend time with Clayton. Even if we don’t end up together, we still need to co-parent.”
“Amen. You do. Alex deserves to have parents who love him and who get along. Always put him first.”
“I do.”
I’m barely holding on. Between Alex’s questions and having Clayton here…it hurts. I miss him, and I’ve missed him for so long. I can push him away all I want, but he’s not going away. He loves Alex and Alex loves him.
I swallow a whimper, thinking about Clayton and Alex. When I drop these walls, I hope I’m making the right choice because I can’t go through the kind of hurt Clayton left behind again. Alex can’t go through that heartbreak.
Chapter 22
Ashley
Friday.
My favorite day of the week. On these days, I look forward to picking Alex up from camp and grabbing take out, then vegging out in front of the television while we watch a movie. I let Alex stay up a little later than usual and soak in all of his laughs, smiles, and just sitting there, watching the movie.
I’ve had this day planned for weeks. Working as a nurse, it’s hard to take time off. When I’m able to get time off, I make sure we spend all the time we can together. Life’s too short, and whenever I blink, he’s getting older.
Now, I’m not looking forward to today because at four thirty, Clayton’s coming over to my house to spend time with Alex.
Sharing my son is torture. I’m not ready for them to be together one on one, so that’s why he’s coming over for dinner. Instead of takeout, I’m making spaghetti and meatballs with garlic bread and salad.
It’s one of Alex’s favorite meals, and I love making it for him.
When the doorbell rings, I see Alex flash to the door and open it before I