and finish my rounds before heading to the nurses' table to complete a few notes and follow-ups.
The day goes by fast, and I haven’t felt my phone vibrate. Alex is at camp, and I need to pick him up in a few hours.
My heart is pounding, my mind racing, and all I can do is think about him. I’m not sure why he’s here and it’s bothering me. So many years have gone by. I didn’t think he’d ever come to me and stand on my porch. I thought by now he’d have a girlfriend or wife. Then my mind does something bitchy and brings me back to happier times. Us in his bed, he’s holding me in his arms, kissing the top of my head, and whispering how much he loves me.
I shut down the memory and quickly finish my notes. I won’t disappoint Alex.
But is this real life?
Shaking my head, I fight back the tears and try to put myself back together.
Being outside is exactly what I need. The day's commotion should take my mind off things, and I should be focusing on work and my patients. This is what I went to school and worked hard to achieve. I refuse to allow Clayton to distract and frustrate me while I’m at work. My full attention needs to be on the people who need me the most.
Not Clayton and not what’s going on in my life.
“Hey.” A gentle voice gets my attention, and I turn to see Meg Montgomery sit next to me. “I wish I had more time to talk. We’ll have to grab lunch soon.”
“It’s okay. Thanks for coming. I didn’t know what else to do, and I know you’re so busy, so I appreciate you coming to see me.”
“Of course. I’m always here for you. So, I talked to Will.”
“You know.” That’s all I manage to say in a whisper before the tears stream down my face. “He’s here, and he saw me. He saw Alex. He knows where I live. When I saw him, I don’t know, I felt my chest constricting. I felt my world crashing. We’ve done so well without Clayton. I’m fine without him, but now that he’s here, I feel like I can’t breathe because I’m afraid he’s going to cause issues for us. What am I supposed to do?” I look at Meg, hoping she’ll have an answer for me.
“You need to do what’s best for you and Alex. Listen to your heart and ignore what everyone else is saying.” All I can do is nod. “I need to head out, but I’m here if you need me.”
“Thank you.”
I watch Meg walk away, and I sit up straighter, take a deep breath, wipe my tears, and shake off the overwhelming emotions of knowing he’s here.
I want to puke.
I had a feeling we’d cross paths. It was bound to happen eventually. I never thought I’d see him with Alex by my side, though. All I’d dreamed about was Clayton meeting his son and us trying to navigate life as a family. Those were dreams, though, and I never thought it would come true.
Now part of it is, and I have no idea what to do.
The look on Clayton’s face when he saw Alex and realized who he was broke my heart. He didn’t come after us when we stormed out. Granted, I’m sure he was going to faint, and it didn’t register that I was standing before him holding our son’s hand, so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. It still didn’t make things easy. I had to come up with a plan.
I pull myself together and back into work. The elevator ride is quiet, and it gives me a few more minutes of peace. Getting off the elevator, I continue down the hall before walking into a room.
“Hi, little man. How’s it going today?”
He shrugs and turns to his side. I walk over and sit down, placing my hand on his and waiting until he says something.
“Brandon. Is everything okay?”
He coughs into his little hand and then looks at me. “My mom’s working all the time, and my dad’s out of town. I know they miss me, and I miss them. It sucks they have to work so much. It’s my fault.”
Heartbreak number three of the day.
Brandon’s little sister was in the NICU for a few months, and during that time, I got to know him and his family well. Belle, Brandon’s little sister, is doing so