night isn’t it?’ he says, suddenly going back to our previous conversation.
‘What…?’ Two worlds are colliding, and I suddenly remember what we were talking about. ‘No, Harry’s one of the girls, and he might bring Gemma anyway. We’re going straight from work, so it would be a bit mean if we didn’t invite him – not to mention sexist.’
‘Fair enough. So, I could come too then?’ Alex asks.
I wouldn’t mind Alex coming along, but I’m not sure how the others would feel. It isn’t a couples’ night and as he doesn’t yet know any of them, he might feel like a spare part.
‘You could, but it’s a hen do, Alex.’
‘Yeah, but if Harry’s going?’
‘It’s… I told you he’s an honorary girl. It’s also our work Christmas outing. He fits one criteria, you don’t fit any,’ I half-joke.
‘Okay.’ He smiles. ‘What time do you want me to pick you up from the bar?’
It’s been almost three weeks since Helen chased me through Worcester, and I haven’t had any more weird messages or perfume-filled cars, but Alex has been driving me to and from work, just in case. But I’m keen to live my life, drive my car, and not rely on Alex quite so much. I’m hoping Helen’s started to move on, accepted that Alex and I are together now.
‘You don’t need to pick me up tonight,’ I say.
‘No, I’ll come for you,’ he replies, assertively.
‘Honestly, it’s fine – we’ll all share a taxi back.’
‘But, Hannah, this is about your safety.’
‘I know, but nothing’s happened for a while. Whatever it was she seems to have got over it.’
He faces me, then leans on the kitchen counter, looking at me expectantly.
‘What?’ I say.
‘Why don’t you want me to collect you? Are you scared one of your friends might see me?’
‘No, don’t be silly, why wouldn’t I want anyone to see you?’
‘You tell me? Perhaps you like to pretend you’re still single on nights out?’
‘Don’t be daft! I’d love you to meet them all – soon. But getting a taxi makes more sense. Jas and Sameera live on my way home, and Harry’ll probably stay at Gemma’s as it’s only a couple of streets away from me.’
He lifts his head in an ‘is that so?’ kind of way, and I’m instantly irritated.
‘Look, I refuse to have a night out with my workmates then just wave them off from my boyfriend’s fancy car, leaving them on the pavement to hail a taxi in the freezing cold.’
‘Okay, then I’ll collect all of you.’
‘I said no, Alex,’ I snap, then realise I’m being rude so add, ‘Sorry.’
He wants to look after me, and I get that, but I need to make it clear I’m able to look after myself, and what I find most irritating is that Alex won’t take no for an answer. This morning, Harry made a joke about ‘Hannah’s chauffeur’ and Jas asked me pointedly if I feel Alex is ‘clingy or needy or just weird’, and it does make me question the way Alex is. But, after all the Helen stuff, I guess I can’t blame the way he is sometimes. Things are finally settling down, my feelings for him are strong and I’m still keen to make this work. I love Alex, I just don’t love his ex-wife, and however I try to forget her and enjoy being with him, she’s still a shadow lurking in the corner of our relationship. It makes me wonder about the night a few weeks ago when I worked late and felt I wasn’t alone. What if it was Helen who Alex saw leave through the back door? He said it was dark and assumed it was a man, but there’s a chance it was a woman he saw running away from behind the office. And yesterday Harry discovered that the double lock on the back door is broken.
‘Do you think she might have got in?’ I said to Harry.
‘I don’t know,’ he replied, but I could see by the look on his face he thought someone had and was clearly just trying to placate me. I heard the doubt in his voice, the way he glanced at Jas and she looked away.
In spite of everything, Alex and I have made a concerted effort to focus on us. We finally put the Christmas tree up together, and he produced a lovely handmade bauble with our names entwined. He’d had it made specially.
‘When I say forever, I mean it,’ he’d said, as he placed it on