in the morning, we’ve had a drink, and I think we’re both too upset to drive, so let’s get a taxi and go back to mine.’
He’s gently ushering me down the road, and I suddenly feel claustrophobic, I need space to think, and as tempting as it is to climb into a warm taxi, and then a warm bed with Alex, I have to make a stand. I’m not ready to go back as we were yet.
‘No, I’ll get a taxi home. I’m not completely comfortable with you at the moment,’ I say, wiping my eyes with gloved hands.
He looks genuinely shocked. ‘I won’t let you just go off into the night like this.’
‘I’m sorry, Alex. There are big things I don’t know about you, and this has made me question everything. I need someone I can trust – I thought that was you, but I don’t know any more.’
‘Oh, Hannah.’ I see tears in his eyes. ‘Don’t, please don’t. You can trust me, I’ll do anything to prove it.’
‘There’s nothing you can do.’
We both stand for a little while in the snow, staring past each other, neither of us knowing what to say or do. He keeps looking at me, but I don’t make eye contact.
‘Let’s get a taxi together at least, and I’ll drop you off at yours, you can have some time to think?’ he suggests.
I nod, it makes sense and I’m too cold and tired to hang around talking.
He hails a black cab, which, to my relief, stops immediately and we climb in, sitting strangely apart. Alex doesn’t speak, and neither do I. It’s a lot and I need time to process all this. Within a few minutes, we’re pulling up outside my flat.
I climb out of the taxi, try to give Alex a five-pound note, but he’s paid the driver and is now getting out behind me.
‘Stay in the taxi, go home,’ I say, but he refuses. I’m angry, I feel like I’ve been hoodwinked, the plan was that he’d see me in safely then continue on to his.
‘I just want to make sure you’re safely home, I can’t help but worry. Your ex could be lurking anywhere with another bunch of flowers.’ I feel a shiver down my spine thinking about this now, especially after the shadow in the office earlier. In spite of everything, I’m glad Alex is here with me. The snow’s falling thicker now, and a gang of noisy lads are singing their way towards us.
‘Come on,’ Alex says, reaching out for my hand.
I reluctantly let him put his fingers through mine and guide me through the snow to the front door, where I scramble around in my handbag for the keys. I’m desperate just to get inside so I can send him on his way and have some space to think about things.
‘Shit.’ I suddenly realise I don’t have the carrier bag with the folders inside. ‘Oh no, I’ve left the bloody carrier bag in the taxi,’ I say, watching it disappear into white oblivion.
‘No, you only had your handbag in the taxi,’ Alex replies.
‘But I remember putting the bag down on the bench in the wine bar… No, oh shit.’
‘You think you left it in the bar?’
‘I must have.’ I desperately think back. ‘Yes, I’m sure I did. I have to go and get it.’
‘You can’t – it’s late and you’re freezing, call them tomorrow.’
‘I can’t, there are work folders in there. They’re highly confidential, from Chloe’s mental health worker, I haven’t even read them yet.’ But now, anyone could pick it up. I have to get it. God, I hope it’s still there.
I get my phone out.
‘What are you doing?’
‘I’m calling the wine bar.’
I google the bar, get the number and for the next few minutes wait for someone to answer. Nothing.
‘I’ll call a taxi and go back,’ I say, in a complete panic.
‘No, no.’
‘This is too important to leave until tomorrow, Alex.’ I sigh.
He gently takes the phone from my hand. ‘I’ll go back there,’ he says quietly but firmly. ‘You’re freezing cold and upset and it’s all my fault that you forgot the bag. I know exactly where we were sitting. I remember now, you put it on the floor.’
‘I’m such an idiot.’
‘No you’re not. I’m the idiot for not being honest with you sooner and causing all this upset. I’ll walk back there and I can pick my car up. I only had a glass of wine so I can still drive. If the bag’s