feelings, or break down what Coach had said into bite-sized pieces so I could digest it and work through it all.
No.
I just wanted to fucking sulk and feel sorry for myself. And be jealous of everyone else who had already gotten what I was still trying to get. I couldn’t help it. I compared myself to other players, feeling like I was just as good as they were, if not better. If they had gotten drafted in their junior year, then why hadn’t I?
But baseball wasn’t that easy, and I knew it. It wasn’t a black-and-white situation. There were unspoken rules and metrics and so much that went on behind the scenes that none of us could even fathom from the outside. We all knew that Major League scouts ranked us on five things—our running speed, arm strength, fielding and footwork, hitting, and hitting for power—even though no player ever had all five things going for him. The typical player excelled in three of the five categories … sometimes only in two.
I hated when I got this way, all stuck in my head and bitter. And although I knew that the negative thoughts would eventually fade, while I was in the thick of it, it was really hard to pull myself out of it. See, when you found something that made you feel valuable, the last thing you wanted to do was give it up without a fight.
My phone rang, and I saw Hayley’s name flash on the screen. I debated on not answering it, but I was in such a fucked up mood anyway, I figured, Why not? And I instantly regretted it.
She mentioned my friend from last night, and I knew immediately that she was talking about Sunny. My sweet fucking angel of stardust and light. Hayley sounded vindictive over the phone, and my protective instincts flared to life. Sunny needed to get the hell away from her.
I had no idea what Hayley was truly capable of, but I didn’t trust her as far as I could throw her. Maybe even less. So, when she basically threatened Sunny, I freaked out and sent her a text, telling her to get away from Hayley and leave her alone. It was the first thing that had come to my mind, and I’d sent it without a second thought. Sunny didn’t respond, but I saw that she’d read it and hoped like hell she’d listen to me.
“Davies!” A loud knock on my bedroom door irritated me.
“What?” I grumbled, refusing to move out of bed.
“I’m coming in,” Dayton said before opening my door and hitting the light switch.
Groaning, I covered my eyes with my hat, willing the light to turn itself back off.
“You haven’t come out of your room in hours. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t dead.”
Slowly removing the hat, I gave him a head nod. “I’m not dead. Just a little tired.”
“Don’t bullshit me, man. I saw you talking to Coach Carter. You’ve been in a bad mood ever since. What happened?”
I pushed to a sitting position, pressing my back against the wall. “Nothing. I just asked him a few questions, and he gave me the answers.”
Dayton’s face pulled together, and his eyes narrowed. “I know you’re stressed because it’s our senior year. Cole was the same way, remember? And look what happened for him.”
I’d thought about Cole Anders a thousand times since I’d landed at the airport for my last year here. I remembered how shaken up he had been about having to come back to the field as a senior. At the time, I’d thought he was overreacting … making a mountain out of a molehill, so to speak, but now, I completely understood how he’d felt.
“You think I’m not worried?” Dayton asked, his expression as sour as this conversation was turning.
A sick laugh ripped from my throat. “You’re a pitcher. You’ll be fine.”
Major League teams drafted guys like him the most because they needed a lot of pitching on their staff at every level. My being a corner infielder made my chances even slimmer. Maybe a team only had an opening for one first baseman. Or maybe they thought someone who played second base would be a better fit at first instead because he had a stronger, more powerful bat. I had a different set of rules to abide by in order to be deemed “good enough for scouts to watch and follow,” all because I played first base.
“Dude, come on,” Dayton disagreed, knowing that