he finally woke up from his daze and tried to find me … ’cause I wouldn’t be here!
Ha!
Good luck locating me in New York. Jerk.
On day nine, I began packing. My lease was ending at the apartment, and I wanted to spend a few days back home with my parents before I headed across the country to start my new job and life. Without the one person I’d thought would always be there. I heard my sliding glass door open, and my body instantly tensed. I forgot to lock it?
Of course, this was how I was going to die—right after being brave enough to move away.
The sound of shoes heading toward my bedroom made me go rigid. I stared at my bedroom door and waited.
It was Mac. He looked awful. Worse than when he had shown up at my house on Christmas night. His eyes were swollen, and there were big black bags underneath them. He hadn’t been sleeping—that much was obvious.
“What are you doing?” he asked as he walked right into my bedroom, uninvited.
“What’s it look like?” I threw back in a screw you tone as I folded more clothes and set them inside one of my open suitcases.
“Where are you going?”
I pondered whether or not I should tell him even though I assumed he already knew the answer. Asking me was merely a formality. I was sure Chance had filled him in.
“New York,” I answered without meeting his gaze.
“What a coincidence.”
I stopped folding and glared at him. “What is?”
“I’m going there too.”
“Why would you go to New York?”
“Because you’ll be there,” he answered so simply, so matter-of-factly, like he hadn’t broken up with me and tried to discard me in the midst of his grief while I was grieving too.
Baseball hadn’t just broken his heart; it’d broken mine too. But Mac didn’t care about my feelings. He only cared about himself.
“I didn’t invite you.” I tried to sound tough, but us being apart was stupid. We belonged together. But I wanted him to grovel a little at least.
“Well, my girl’s going to start her career there, and I’m going to support her. It’s the same thing she’d have done for me if I’d gotten drafted.”
“Your girl, huh?”
“Yep,” he said, popping the P.
“Thought you didn’t want me,” I threw his words back in his face as I started to get worked up and emotional.
The past nine days had been hell without him. I hoped it was just a phase that really had nothing to do with me, but it still hurt that he’d tossed me away like it was easy for him to do it. After everything we’d gone through, I figured we were stronger than anything. And all he had done was prove me wrong when he disappeared.
“I can’t live without you. I’m just sad, babe. I’m so fucking sad right now, and I didn’t want you to see me that way.” Tears started falling from his eyes, and he didn’t even stop them or try to wipe them away.
“But I’m supposed to be your partner in all of this. We’re supposed to be a team. I’m the one who gets to see you at your weakest because it’s my job to lift you back up. That’s what a good couple does. That’s what I thought we were,” I argued.
“I couldn’t get out of bed for three full days,” he admitted, and I hadn’t known that. I hadn’t known that at all. “I didn’t leave my room for seven. Colin brought me food. Left it outside of my door. This is my first time leaving the house.”
I didn’t know what to say.
“I know I fucked up. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know how to deal with losing baseball. Hell, I still don’t. I’m devastated, babe. But I can’t lose you too. I’ll figure out how to get through this whole baseball thing, but there’s no getting through losing you,” he said. “Please let me come to New York.”
I stayed quiet for a breath. And then another.
I could make him suffer more, push him for more apologies or more groveling, but that would be my pride talking and not my heart. I didn’t want to hurt Mac more, only to make myself feel better. And that was all that would be. I loved him. I’d always loved him. And moving to New York without him would be a terrible option even though I would have done it.
“I guess you’d better start packing. We leave in three days.”
Life After Ball
Mac
I
was