of his words swirling inside my mind and tugging at my heart. I’d realized that I wanted to continue being the one Mac confided in, and I didn’t want to lie to myself about it anymore.
I’d known better than to have more than a crush on him, but damn if every girl in the history of the world didn’t want to be the one girl a guy altered his heart for. We all craved being the one who was different than all the rest. The one girl who changed it all. The one he broke all his rules for. And I wanted that girl to be me.
There was something between us, and I knew it. My head told me that was exactly why Mac had disappeared on me … because he knew it too. It was his defense mechanism, and I’d let him use it on me. I’d gone away quietly even though I didn’t want to. Even though I wanted the exact opposite, but I had no idea how to go about getting it.
I’d eventually gotten so frustrated with being ignored by him that I talked to Danika about it, who in turn talked to Chance about it, but neither one of them was any help at all. Chance didn’t even offer to call Mac and force him to fall in love with me or anything! No, he’d basically said that Mac was a lost cause and he couldn’t figure him out either. Which I knew was a lie because boys never tried to figure out shit. That was what women were for.
Pulling the first batch of cookies out of the oven, I opened up a social media app on my phone. Someone had posted earlier that there was a welcome-back party at the baseball house tonight, and I still wasn’t sure what to do. I was a walking contradiction of feelings and emotions, trying to navigate waters I was completely unfamiliar with.
Mac would obviously be there, but I didn’t know if I could handle going there all by myself. The last thing I wanted to do was look like some desperate groupie, and I was afraid that if I went, that was exactly how it might come off.
I decided to text Danika.
SUNNY: Baseball party tonight. Should I go?
DANIKA: Why wouldn’t you?
SUNNY: Uh, because I’d have to go alone. And Mac’s ignored me all summer. What if he ignores me tonight too?
DANIKA: All this coming from the girl who FORCED me to go to the party last year. Said she was going with or without me. Now, you’re scared to go alone? Who are you, and what have you done with my best friend?
SUNNY: I’m not sure I can handle being rejected by Mac in person. Over the phone is one thing, but real life …
DANIKA: I get it. I’m not sure I’d put myself in that situation either.
SUNNY: You’re no help.
DANIKA: You’re welcome. :)
Ugh.
Danika’s texts were less than helpful, but at least she’d made me feel a little better. Knowing that she wouldn’t put herself in the position to be dissed in front of other people helped me feel less crazy about the whole thing.
My phone pinged again, and there was another message from Danika.
DANIKA: I mean, what if you see him hooking up with some other girl? This is Mac we’re talking about.
My stomach dropped as I read her words. Mac didn’t belong to me, and he wasn’t mine, but that didn’t mean I wanted to see his face attached to someone else’s all night long. Watching him with another girl might be the exact opposite of what I could handle. Even though the rumor mill was filled with stories of Mac’s numerous sexual conquests, I wasn’t sure I believed a word of it. I’d never seen him slip off with any girls or disappear into his room with one during a party. He was always in the middle of a crowd, openly making out with whatever girl had agreed to his rules for the night. One time, that had been me. But that was last year. And last year felt like it’d happened eons ago.
SUNNY: Yeah. Not sure I’d be able to keep my food down.
It was in that moment that I realized I was terrified to face him. I genuinely liked Mac, and I wanted him to like me back. But I didn’t want to put myself in an embarrassing situation or look like a fool in order to prove my feelings. I still had