to admit to what I’d instinctively known was true since last year. I’d been patient when I wanted to push. I’d given Mac space when I wanted to smother him. I had done everything right when it came to a guy who was scared of committing and getting his heart broken.
At least, I thought I had. It suddenly dawned on me that maybe Mac was more messed up than I even knew, and maybe he didn’t need me to play it safe. Maybe he needed me to push and fight and show him that I wanted more than just a one-night stand or a fling. Maybe Mac needed to know that he was worth more to me.
“Mac?” I asked because he had grown quiet, too quiet.
“I don’t want Hayley. I need you to know that.”
“You said that already.” I tried to encourage him to keep talking, but he didn’t, so I stepped toward him, reached for his hand, and held it. “Mac, I like you.”
His face tilted up, and his eyes met mine. Even in the dark, I could see them boring into me, searching.
“I like you too.” He said the words like they caused him physical pain.
“Then, do something about it.” I pushed even harder even though I knew it was making him uncomfortable.
“Damn, Sunny.” Mac spoke my name like he couldn’t believe I’d just come right out and challenged him. “Throwing down the gauntlet.”
“It’s a curse,” I said, referring to my straightforward nature.
He shook his head. “Nah. It’s not a curse. There’s nothing bad about you.” He sounded so serious, and all I wanted to do was laugh.
“You barely know me,” I fought back, and his face twisted.
“Don’t say that.” He sounded agitated. “I know you. I know parts of you. I know your favorite color’s yellow and that you have no idea what you want to do with your life and you think that makes you behind everyone else, but it really just makes you normal. I know that you’re kind and a good listener who gives stellar advice; you have crazy killer legs, a gorgeous body, and this fucking silver hair.” He reached for it like he’d done so many times tonight. “It might be the death of me. Either that or your cookies.”
I fought back the tears again because Mac seemed to press every emotional button in my body. “I want to be with you. I want to at least try,” I confessed before my heart started raging like a wild animal inside my chest. Every thump against my rib cage reminded me of what I’d just done and what I’d just offered up.
“So, now what?” he asked, sounding a little unsure, and I wasn’t certain that what I’d just told him required that kind of response.
Doesn’t he want to be with me too?
“What do you mean?”
“What do we do now? How do we do this? We started something here tonight,” he said, and I laughed, cutting him off.
“We started something here way before tonight.”
I watched as he nodded in the dark, contemplating whatever thoughts were going on in that head of his.
“We did.”
“And I’m not talking about the summer,” I clarified because in my opinion, what was happening between us had started happening last year at the same time Chance and Danika were getting together.
“I know.”
“Maybe one day, you’ll tell me why you started avoiding me last year then. Every time Chance came over, he said you wouldn’t come. But he also said that you wanted to.”
He closed the space between us, touched my face, and kissed me softly. I hadn’t expected it. Every kiss with Mac was like being transported into another world, where there were no crickets chirping, no breezes blowing, and no partying classmates yelling.
“I have a feeling that I’ll tell you anything you want to know, sweet girl. And that makes you dangerous for a guy like me.”
I leaned up on my tiptoes and kissed him another time. “I don’t want to be dangerous,” I whispered against his mouth, my lips brushing against his.
His brow arched. “You don’t? I thought girls liked that kind of shit.”
“Some girls probably do. I’m not one of them.”
“What do you want then?”
“To be the place where you’re safe,” I said genuinely.
He looked instantly triggered as he took three steps away from me, breaking all contact and leaving me feeling whiplashed.
“I don’t have any safe places.” His tone turned defensive, his anger only masking his hurt.
I knew his reaction had nothing to do with me,