me?”
Her lips formed the sweetest smile. “Only if you promise not to do it again.”
My heart sank because I knew that I could never make her that promise. “Which part?”
“I don’t even know.” She shrugged. “The disappearing, I think. Don’t disappear on me. And the being mean. I don’t like it when you’re mean to me. It feels awful. Promise me those things.”
My defense mechanisms had become my go-to habits. And habits were hard to break, even when you wanted to. If Sunny had realized that, she’d never have asked me to promise her this, knowing that I’d mess it all up without trying or meaning to. Screwing up was easy for me. Making things right took work.
“I promise,” I said, knowing damn well it was a lie.
It All Makes Sense
Sunny
M
ac was uncomfortable again. We had been in such a good place, and then something had shifted. I sensed it, but I didn’t want to push like I had been.
Mac had given me so much more than I’d ever expected. I couldn’t believe the things that he had confessed to me tonight. I always assumed that he was messed up from life in some way, but I had no idea the depths of it or where any of it had come from.
“Can I get some water?” he asked, and I realized that I’d been an extremely bad hostess, not offering him anything to drink this whole time.
Hopping up from the couch, I said, “I’ll get it,” before he could get up himself.
I walked into the kitchen, grabbed more cookies, and a couple of bottles of water for us. I placed everything on the small coffee table and sat back down, remote control in hand as I turned the television on and lowered the volume. Background noise was always nice, but I did it mostly so that Mac would have the option to stop talking without making it uncomfortable for him. I was basically letting him know that it was okay to relax without saying it out loud.
He reached for a cookie and inhaled the entire thing while I watched him with wide eyes. He chuckled as he swallowed the last bite. “What?”
Grabbing one of the bottles, he twisted off the cap and took a long swig. I did the same with the other bottle before putting it back on the table and leaning back into the couch.
He snatched one of my throw pillows and tossed it on my lap. Staring down at it, I watched as he maneuvered himself on the couch, his head suddenly lying on the pillow … in my crotch. Instinctively, I started playing with his hair. Running my fingers through the light strands and scratching my nails against his scalp. I swore he started purring.
“If you keep doing that, I might fall asleep.”
“I can think of worse things.” I stared down at him, memorizing his features in case he disappeared on me again even though he’d just promised he wouldn’t.
“Hayley was my first.” His hazel eyes stared up at me as he waited for my reaction.
I wasn’t getting what he was trying to say.
My stomach muscles tightened, and his head bounced in response.
“Wait, what? Really? You were a virgin when you got here?”
“I told you, the girls at home thought I was weird. I never had a girlfriend before. That was why I was so enamored with Hayley. And why I believed she really liked me when she didn’t. I had no real relationship experience. And my parents are so fucked up; I still have no idea what’s normal and what isn’t.”
With every sentence, Mac revealed more than he probably intended to, and I savored every morsel, every tiny crumb, storing it in my head to process and think about later. There was a part of him that was attached to Hayley and always would be. It wasn’t really a choice or something he could control. For whatever reason, our “first” got a sacred spot in our heart that never went to anyone else. It was a reserved space that no one else could quite reach or replace.
I understood that even though I still wanted to kill her for being such an evil witch. Mac hadn’t deserved that. Hell, no one did. Except maybe that Logan guy who had been on the team a couple years ago, who had done all that shady shit to Cole Anders. Hayley and Logan would have made a perfect couple. Maybe I could set them up.
“Is that when you made