than cancelled, I’ll lose it. I’ve already lost the plot to sadness, I don’t want to add mental breakdown to my list of awfulness that is this day from hell.
The more I think about it, the more I become convinced I know why everyone cancelled.
It’s because of my dieting and exercising. I’ve been such a pain in the arse to everyone around me lately.
Cursing, I sit up in bed and I throw the nail file at the wall. It doesn’t make a dent because the thing is too small and I’m extremely disappointed by this fact.
If only I hadn’t let my weight go up and down so much over these past few weeks. Then Lara wouldn’t have become so frustrated with all the dress fittings and re-sizing I’d insisted upon.
If only I hadn’t kept asking Paige to alter her health food menu one week, while changing it completely the next. I mean, the woman was offering the meals for free after my cafe disaster with the berserk robot. What right did I have to be so picky about what my guests would be eating? It’s only one day.
One measly little wedding day that meant the world to me, but obviously meant nothing to my supposed friends.
“Whaaaaaa!” I burst into tears all over again. I’ve forgotten how to keep my mind under control. It snaps because the pressure of sadness in my heart has become too much. “I might as well kill myself!” I scream this at the ceiling because I’ve somehow managed to roll off the bed and onto the floor where I’m now lying on my back.
Slamming both of my hands over my mouth, I cram my palms tightly down. Did I actually just yell those suicidal words? Dear me, I really have lost it. I’ve always been one for drama, but never on such a level of despair. Voicing my frustration like that really hit home.
I’m a woman unhinged by sadness and I need to get a grip before I crack.
It’s no use wiping tears off my face, because more just follow, soaking my skin. The front of my t-shirt is so drenched from crying I wouldn’t be surprised to find that my bra was wet from weeping as well.
After drawing a hot bath, I step into the tub and soak myself in the warm water.
This is the relaxation I need. This is the way to calm myself. I’m sad, yes, but I don’t want to go completely bonkers on top of that. I have no way of getting hold of Callum, and I don’t dare ring my parents. I’ve got to be able to keep my sanity, and I have to do so on my own.
It’s not easy, but I manage it somewhat. Through breathing and pleasant thoughts I’ve even stopped crying.
Picking up my Kindle off the stool beside the bath, I flick through the Amazon book store for something to read. Something that will further take my mind off today’s horror wedding cancellations.
Actually, come to think of it, maybe a good horror novel is exactly what I need.
I select a vampire eBook that is so horrifying it even has a warning at the front of the sample I’ve downloaded. The warning tells the reader that this is definitely not Twilight and that I should only read on if I’m willing to be terrified beyond belief.
I snort in disbelief. The author of this book obviously doesn’t know the terror of having one’s wedding cancelled the day before!
After reading a few chapters of the vampire novel, I’m even more convinced that the author doesn’t know real terror. The writer does know gore though. That’s all this book is filled with, it seems. It’s not scary lit, it’s just disgusting grit. Page after page screams words of bloody-this and blood-spraying-that. I can’t begin to count the number of times I’ve read about oozing entrails and disembowelments.
“Bleh.” I drop my Kindle onto the stool.
I don’t know if I should be grateful to the author of that eBook for filling my mind with such distracting gore, or if I should feel ill at the bile I’m now having to choke down.
Well, at least the warm water is soothing to my shot nerves. My eyelids close and I finally feel a sense of calm washing over me…
“Whaaaaa!” I sit up splashing water everywhere. The water has gone cold and I don’t even remember falling asleep. As I step out of the freezing bath I’m careful not to drip any water onto my