bridal conferences.
I’m feeling sneaky and ever so clever when Lara and I arrive at the first wedding venue on our list. But all my resolve flies right out the proverbial window once we hit the cookery division of the bridal conference. The place is massive and there are experimental cuisine dishes on offer I’ve never seen the likes of. A few months before graduating from cookery and catering college, we’d done some food creating with technology and new edible chemicals. But it was nothing in comparison with the amazing foods I’m seeing here before my very eyes.
“Have a seat ladies.” We’re ushered into a restaurant-like seating area by a woman dressed all in white chef’s wear, complete with tall baker’s hat. I say the seating area is like a restaurant, but really it’s more like eating time at a wedding reception. All the tables are decorated exquisitely and some even have colourful pieces of crystal tossed about on top of the silk table cloths.
“This is all so over the top, Lolz. Our wedding is only going to be low-key.” I whisper to her. “We had to compromise on our decor budget in order to afford the facilities.”
“I told you not to have your wedding at Chez Expensivo, remember?” Lara plucks a peach coloured carnation from the sparkling crystal vase on the table. She holds it to her nose and inhales greatly. “This is incredible, the food aromas around here are plugging up my senses. I can’t even smell this, can you?”
She shoves the flower under my nose and I sneeze. “Ah-choo.”
“I didn’t know you were allergic.”
“I’m not. It’s just you put that in my face so fast…” I’m suddenly distracted by a three tiered tray that’s being wheeled over to us. The beautiful looking contents of the tray are being pushed by the chef woman and there are some heavily steaming looking dishes involved.
Everything I ever planned about dieting vanishes from my mind as soon as the first samples are laid out in front of me. Lara and I spend the rest of the afternoon going from one caterer to the next, tasting all the delectables they have to offer. There’s also a lot of wine on offer to occupy our pallets and soon enough I’m feeling slightly more than tipsy.
“There’s a gown show on the runway right now, Em.” Lara warbles at me with sleepy eyes.
“You’re drunk, missus.” I tell her pointedly, because I’m pointing a finger straight at her nose.
She bats my hand away. “I’m not drunk. I’m pleasantly buzzing, thank oo veddy mooch.”
“Oh riiiiiiiiiight. And that’s not drunk-arsed speak at all.” My retort drips with sarcasm at her alcohol-tongue-thickened words.
“Look!” Lara wails. “They’re coming down the aisle!”
She’s right. The modelling runway before us has been decorated and carpeted to look like a church aisle. Along the sides of the runway are pews facing the aisle. We take some empty seats and watch the flow of massive, billowing white gowns as they’re paraded down the fashion aisle by stick insect thin and tall models.
“Wow, their so tall.”
“Wow, they’re so skinny.” Lara leans onto my shoulder.
“It’s not their fault.” I mumble. Feeling drowsy, I tilt my head onto Lara’s cranium. “They just have really thin DNA.”
“What are you talking about?”
Suddenly, Lara sits up so my head falls forward before I manage to catch my balance.
Blink.
“What’s the matter?” I yell stupidly. Glancing around makes the aisle tilt in my wonky drunken vision.
“Nothing is the matter apart from you talking bollocks about model genetics. They aren’t born that way, Em. They puke themselves thin, or starve themselves.”
I’m flabbergasted. “Some of them don’t.”
A girl who doesn’t look a day over sixteen stomps down the aisle in a dress that’s cinched in so tightly around her middle, she looks like she’s got a twelve inch waist.
“Seriously, Em. You think our genes would have any of us at such an unhealthy weight as that?” Lara points rudely at the model as she sashays by, so I shove her arm down. “What? It’s survival of the fittest, and all that. Being that thin isn’t healthy.
“What about her?” Now it’s my turn to point. And I do so at the obviously fuller figured model who’s just come out onto the runway. As a matter of fact, I think I rather like this bridal fashion show. There are women of all shapes and sizes showing off wedding dresses.
“See, Lolz? Some women really are skinny by nature.”
“Hmmmmm.” My best friend still seems dubious. “Whatever.”
I have to laugh. Lara