trust her bot.
“Are you sure?” She frowns at me. “Oliver totally fixed my robot and he promised it won’t malfunction again.”
“Don’t worry about it, hun.” I reassure her with a smile as I head out the door. Just be for I leave arse-first through the exit I can’t help glancing Stevie’s way. I swear the chrome robot scowls at me when all of its glowing lights turn a menacing shade of red as I depart.
***
Heading towards the massive open plan gym equipment area, I find twenty (or so) stationary exercise bikes all facing each other in a circular set-up. There are a few men and women around wearing lycra who are stretching and warming up, which of course is a must before working out. Therefore, after dropping my gym bag next to an exercise bike —and calling dibs on it— I too begin stretching and warming up my muscles.
“All right everyone!” A woman shouts and I turn in time to see a very muscly brunette heading towards us. “I’m Donna and we’re about to get started,” she bellows and hops onto one of the cycles. I watch for a moment as women either slightly smaller or the same size as me all hop onto various bikes. I don’t feel too uncomfortable in the presence of others who are trying just as hard as I am to lose weight.
I sit down onto a stationary bicycle. The seat is a bit low, but Donna has already begun. She punches some buttons on the instructor’s bike panel and some really pumping music fills our corner of the gym.
“All right everyone. Let’s get fit!” Donna claps her hands all the way over her head to the beat of the music. No one else copies her, so I don’t either. We do, however, start rotating our pedal’s like Donna has.
Oops. I forgot to adjust the tension settings before I hopped onto my bike. I have no idea how to turn the pressure down on the panel over the handlebars either. It’s a good thing Donna is starting out at a slow pace, because I’m finding this cycling business to be like an uphill hike already. When beads of sweat prematurely pop out on my forehead, I’m desperate to locate the tension adjustment button.
I start pushing the minus sign on my handlebar panel. I figure if I just avoid pressing any plus symbols I’ll be okay.
And that’s worked. The tension in my bike’s pedals has decreased. I don’t want anyone to know that I’ve turned the tension all the way off though, so I pump my legs slowly, acting like I’ve just turned the tension up.
Clap, pump. Clap and pump.
Donna shouts out motivating instructions. I’m really getting into the easy-going pace of the cycle class. I really don’t know why they call it a shred lesson. I’m actually having fun at this and it’s even easier going than Zumba Zumba!
“All right everyone,” Donna says for the umpteenth time. “That’s it for the warm up. Let’s get ready to shred! And three… two… one.”
Oh fuck. I’m in trouble now.
Without warning all the cyclists lean into their handlebars, even Donna does. Immediately the class members double, then triple their pedal pumping speed. It’s like watching berserk maniacs! If these bikes weren’t stationary they’d all be cycling at one hundred miles per hour! As I continue to stare and pedal relatively slowly in comparison, the woman next to me is going red in the face as she grits her teeth.
Shit. I guess I’d better get with it.
Baring down on the handlebars of my bike I start pumping my legs hard. Faster and faster I go until my feet are spinning the pedals faster than the wheel chain can go. A clicking sound emanates from my cycle so everyone’s going to know I’ve set my bike to zero tension.
Quickly, I press the plus sign on the control panel once. Ooohh, my legs are really starting to burn now.
“And hold!”
Thankfully, Donna ends the strenuous pace. She sits up and everyone —including a very grateful me— follows suit. The pace goes back to a slow pumping of bike pedals.
Just when I’ve managed to catch my breath, Donna shouts and everyone leans forward again.
Oh no. I can’t do this! Now I truly know why they call this a shred class! If I keep this up my leg muscles really will shred themselves into bits and fall completely off my body!
There’s nothing else for it. I don’t want to look like a slacker who