arms. “Take your clothes off and get up on the table, woman. I haven’t got all day.”
I try not to smile as I put my bag on a chair and start disrobing. I’m not worried about Lucky seeing me. First of all, I wore my best underwear, and second of all, it’s not like he hasn’t seen it all anyway. At least I don’t have a baby bump yet. I’ll still be sexy for another month or two before I lose it all.
Lucky starts to whistle like a guy strolling casually down the street might. I turn around and find him with his back to me as he stares at the ceiling. It makes me smile to think that he’s giving me privacy or that he’s embarrassed to be caught staring. For some crazy reason it makes me want to get naked with him. I quickly shove the thought away. Being naked with him has already gotten me into enough trouble.
I’m up on the table with a disposable paper draped over me when a girl walks in. “Hello,” she says. “I’m Amanda and I’m going to do a quick ultrasound on you.”
I’m a little confused as to why I’m having this procedure done when I haven’t even met a doctor yet, but what do I know? I’m just a patient. “Okay.”
She checks the folder in her hand. “You’re Antoinette Delacourte, right?”
“Toni. Just call me Toni.”
“Great,” she says. “Go ahead and lie back. I see that you’re eight weeks pregnant according to the information form that you filled out for us, so I’m going to have to use a different kind of ultrasound wand than you may have heard about in order to take a look at your uterus.”
It sounds ominous, whatever this thing is, so I sit up. “What’s that mean?”
She holds up what looks like a big dildo. “I’m going to insert this into your vagina so that we can look up into your uterus basically through the angle of your cervix.”
My jaw drops open. “Uhhh, no, you’re not.”
Her brows furrow. “Excuse me?”
I shake my head and look at her matter-of-factly. “Nope. You are not putting that anywhere in me.”
Lucky steps over and puts his hand on my shoulder, pushing me back. “Don’t listen to her. She’s just nervous.” He looks down at me. “Babe, all the girls do this. Just relax.”
I fix him with a glare. “That’s easy for you to say. You’re not getting your hoo-hah probed by a giant dildo.”
The girl barks out a laugh before she controls herself. “I’m sorry. That was unprofessional.”
Lucky and I both look at her and say the exact same thing at the same time: “Don’t worry about it.”
Lucky leans down and stares at me, his nose just inches from mine. “Babe, would you please just do this? For me?”
I sigh. “You’re not going to be able to use that on me every time you want me to do something I don’t feel like doing.”
“Why not?”
“Because. It’ll lose its power and then you won’t have it when you need it. Besides, if that beard gets any longer, I’m going to start carrying my Taser in a holster.”
His voice goes really soft. “But I really want to see our baby.”
I can’t think of a single thing he could’ve said that would have influenced me more than that. I let out a long sigh of defeat. “Fine. Go ahead and probe me with the damn dildo.”
I can tell the girl is trying not to laugh again. Her voice comes out all wobbly. “Okay . . . I’m going to put some gel on the, a-hem, probe, and then I’m going to insert it very slowly. I promise to make it as comfortable as possible.”
Lucky’s grin gets bigger.
“Do not say a word, Lucky. I swear to God . . .” I am so ready to grab his throat.
He shakes his head and battles to keep a serious look on his face. At the same time, the girl starts putting her probe in. I have to look at the ceiling and avoid Lucky’s eyes. I cannot believe I’m doing this with him standing right next to me. Talk about embarrassing.
I hear some noise and some buttons clicking, so I look over at her machine. At first there’s just darkness on the screen and then what looks like static, but eventually we see some circles and other things moving around. Every time she moves the angle of her probe it changes the weird things on the