don’t tell me to shut up. You are beautiful. I’ve always thought that about you.”
I search his eyes, trying to figure out what he’s getting at. What could possibly be the point of showering me with compliments right now? He knows I’m going to sleep with him. I’m lost for words.
He lets out a long sigh. “Maybe we shouldn’t do this.” He puts his hands on the floor on either side of my head to hold himself above me in a pseudo-pushup.
I give him a wry smile. “Of course we shouldn’t. It was a mistake the first time, and it’ll be an even bigger mistake the second.”
Slowly, he grins at me, the devil in him coming back to play. “I’m pretty good at making mistakes. In fact, I’m better at making mistakes than I am at doing the right thing.”
I urge him down to me by pulling on his upper arms. “Me too.”
And then we’re kissing again. It’s just as hot, only this time it doesn’t feel quite as desperate. Now we know. We both know what we’re getting into and what this means. It’s a mistake, but we’re going to have some fun, anyway. Maybe this thing—whatever it is—will help us forget the other stuff in our lives that’s causing us pain. Even a short respite is better than none at all.
Lucky pauses again.
“What is it this time?” I ask, sighing exaggeratedly. He’s acting like a virgin, the way he keeps hesitating.
He rolls over and pulls his wallet out of his back pocket. “At least let me put a condom on this time. Just to be doubly safe.”
It takes a few seconds for his comment to sink in. While he’s busy pulling the birth control out of his wallet and unwrapping it, my mind is going haywire. I’m not even sure I heard him right.
“What did you just say?”
He sits up and pulls his jacket and shirt off his upper body in one movement. “You heard me. We need to be doubly careful.”
He’s undoing his belt now, completely oblivious to my panic.
“But you said you need to put a condom on this time. What the hell did you say that for?”
His belt is unbuckled and so is the top button of his pants. He hesitates and looks down at me from his kneeling position. “I meant what I said. Last time we forgot, but we should never forget again. If this is going to be a regular thing, we have to be careful. That’s all. It’s no big deal.”
I shove him away from me and get to my feet, my whole body shaking. My voice goes up an octave. “Lucky!”
He’s clearly confused. “What?”
“Are you telling me that we didn’t use any birth control the other night?!”
Lucky’s mouth drops open, but nothing comes out. The only thing I hear is the sound of the condom wrapper hitting the ground when it falls out of his loosened fingers.
I back away, shaking my head. “No. That’s not right. We used a condom, I know we did.”
He slowly sits down on his butt, bending his knees up to rest his elbows on them. The unused condom dangles in his right hand between his first two fingers. “Sorry, babe. I think we both got caught up in the moment. We didn’t use one.” He shrugs. “I figured you were on the pill, so I wasn’t so worried about it.”
My hands go up to my head and my fingers sink into my hair, grabbing some by the roots and pulling as I try to wake myself up from this nightmare. I’m staring at his impossibly handsome face that right now I want to smash with my fist. How could he have been so careless? How could I have been so stupid?
Lucky gives me what I used to consider an adorable look. “I guess I was wrong about that?”
I slide my hands down onto my face and scrub it a few times. When I speak, it’s through my fingers. “Yes, you were wrong about that. I don’t take the pill or anything else.”
I hear Lucky get to his feet. I sense when he’s close. “Why not?” he asks, finally sounding worried.
I move my hands so I can see him. “Because that shit makes me crazy. I don’t do so well when doctors mess with my hormones.”
He nods, coming off as very serious. “I can imagine that.”
I shove him out of my way as I leave the kitchen. “You need to go.”
As I walk past the entrance