it’s no big deal, us sitting here talking about a baby growing in my belly.
I shake my head at him. “I love how you’re so casual about all of this. I hope you realize it’s not just my life that’s going to completely change.”
He leans in and puts his hand on my knee. “Trust me, I understand. I’ve been thinking about it ever since we were here in the kitchen last time.”
My mind rewinds back to that moment when we were rolling around on the floor, just before we realized the colossal mistake we’d made. I nod absently. I cannot wrap my brain around how much my life has changed in such a short period of time. And nobody even really knows yet. I can’t imagine what Thibault, Dev, and Ozzie are going to say. I can, however, imagine what May and Jenny are going to do: they’re going to flip their wigs. I’m not looking forward to the crazy enthusiasm. Even the idea of it makes me queasy.
“What are you thinking right now?” Lucky asks me.
“I’m thinking about how this will affect the team.”
Lucky nods before taking a sip of his tea, wincing at the heat. “Things are going to change, that’s for sure. But it doesn’t have to be bad.”
“That’s easy for you to say. Your life with the team isn’t going to change at all.” I sound bitter, I know I do, but who can blame me? “I don’t want you saying anything to anybody about this.”
He frowns at me. “What do you mean?”
“I mean I don’t want you to say anything. This is my business, and I’m going to decide when the team is informed about the situation, not you.”
I can tell by the way he sits up straighter and throws his shoulders back that he doesn’t agree. “We’ll see.”
I shake my head, sitting up straight myself. “No, we won’t see. This is my decision, not yours.”
He cocks his head at me. “How do you figure? It’s my child too.”
I’m not going to play dirty and pretend like it could be anyone else’s, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to start deciding what I do with my life. “We need to get something straight here, Lucky . . . Just because you failed to wear a condom, it doesn’t mean that you suddenly get to make decisions for me about how I live my life.”
Two bright red spots show up on his cheeks and his jaw muscle bounces a couple times as he works to control his anger. He speaks in a very calm voice. “I don’t appreciate the way you’re wording that, because I believe you’re being unfair.”
He has chosen his words very carefully, but I don’t care. This is a conversation that we need to have right now, get it over with. I don’t want him going into this thing under any illusions. I work to keep my tone civil.
“I’m sorry you don’t like the way I am talking right now, but that doesn’t change the facts. This is my body. And my work is my business. I will decide when, where, and how anyone on the team is informed about my condition, not you.”
He takes a slow sip of his tea and waits almost a full minute before responding. The tension in the room is palpable. “I agree that it’s your body hosting our child; however, the life inside it is as much my responsibility as it is yours, and I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep my child safe.”
I narrow my eyes at him and my nostrils flare. He’s begging for a fat lip. “Are you suggesting that I feel differently? That I would risk my child’s safety?”
He shakes his head, his chin jutting out. “I’m not suggesting anything. But I think we both know that it’s in your personality to take certain risks, and that you might not fully appreciate some of the risks you’re taking until it’s too late.”
I’m trying so hard to stay cool right now, but my voice gives me away, going higher. “No, I don’t agree to that. I know exactly what I’m capable of, and I know exactly what risk I’m taking every time I walk out the front door.”
“Please don’t get mad at me when I say this,” he begs, leaning closer, “but sometimes, maybe a lot of times, you’re impulsive and reckless, Toni. Just by getting behind the wheel you put yourself at risk. You have more speeding tickets than anyone on