I’m there.”
I can’t hold back a smile. “What would be the point of you being there if you’re going to be a ghost?”
He smiles. “Hey, if you want me to come sleep with you, I’m in. I’m just trying to make you happy. Whatever it takes.”
My face goes warm hearing all of his thoughtful, kind words. He’s trying so hard. To keep denying him would be bitchy. Part of me doesn’t care, but the other part of me, the one that made a baby with him, does a little.
I sigh in defeat. “I guess we could try it. Maybe for a little while.”
“Let’s call it a trial period,” he suggests. “I’ll take the room down the hall, and you won’t even know I’m there unless you want to.”
“I’m not going to get all dressed up and put on makeup just because you’re there,” I say. He doesn’t know this about me, but I can be seriously ugly when I don’t put my mind to looking otherwise.
“So what? I’ve seen you without makeup a hundred times.”
“But you’ve never seen me at my worst.”
He blows out a breath. “You don’t care about me because of how I look; why should I be any different?”
“Maybe I do care about how you look.” I’m teasing him now, but I’m surprised to see his face fall. He doesn’t say anything, so I nudge him in the arm. “I’m kidding.”
He shakes his head, looking cocky again. “That’s it. I’m growing a beard.”
I laugh. “You’d better not. You’ll be totally ugly and then I’d have to kick you out of my house.”
“Good. I’ll find out if you really do like me for who I am or if it’s just my pretty face you’re after. I don’t want to be any chick’s arm candy.”
I hiss out a laugh. “You are so crazy.”
I look out my side window, and the parking lot disappears. In its place is a dirt lot, and there’s a barrel in the corner with cans lined up on it. I can still hear Lucky’s young voice coming from the spot just next to me. “Watch this one,” he says, smiling at me with those buck teeth of his. “I’ll nail it right in the center.”
“Bet you can’t,” I dare. I love watching him focus, his eyes squinting and the trigger under his finger. He’s so serious when he shoots. When he’s not shooting, though, he’s either smiling or laughing. I like the juxtaposition of one personality against the other. It’s like there are two people inside him, making him a total mystery.
All this time I thought he was trying to practice being a sharpshooter when he was probably just trying to impress me. I picture him wearing the gun in a homemade holster and it makes me go all warm inside again.
“What’re you thinking right now?” the grown-up Lucky asks me. The parking lot comes back into focus.
“I was just thinking how much easier life was when we were kids.”
“I bet you never thought you’d be making a baby with that guy holding the BB gun.” His voice is soft, almost vulnerable.
“Nope. I didn’t think I’d ever be making a baby with anybody.”
“I’m glad it was me.”
“Me too.” It almost kills me to admit that, but it’s true. I didn’t want to do this, but if I were going to do it with anybody, Lucky would be the one I’d choose.
He takes my hand and holds it. The only sound in the car now is my heartbeat. I wonder if he can hear it too.
“We’re going to be okay,” he says. “No matter what.”
“Not if you grow that beard,” I say, looking at him and holding my breath as I wait for his response.
He pokes me in the side and makes me laugh. Then he pokes me more and I have to work at fending him off. He succeeds in dragging my attention away from my imagined dirt lot as we start wrestling. I get a few good jabs into his ribs before he captures my hands in his and pulls me up against him.
Our faces are just inches apart, and I can smell old coffee on his breath.
“What’s the matter?” he asks, frowning at me. “Is it my breath?”
“No. Yes. Maybe.”
He grins. “Aww, you just tried to be nice to me, didn’t you?”
I attempt to pull my hands out of his grip. “No.” It’s silly how he can make my heart beat faster so easily.
“Yes, you did.” He leans in. “Give me a kiss.”
“Shut