happens to be right now, that groups of guys hang around outside chatting. Curbside is where deals get done in the Sixth Ward. We never see the big players out here, of course, but the little guys always lead us to the big ones eventually.
May joins me in the front seat. She sits down and buckles up. Seconds later, her attention is on something else. “Look! Hookers.” She lifts her camera and shoots off a few frames. When she’s done, she takes a look in her viewfinder and smiles. “She’s actually really pretty. Did you see her legs? Gorgeous. I wish I had legs like that.” She sighs.
I snort. “You’d need a set of testicles to have those legs.”
May looks at me, confused. “What?”
“She’s a tranny. She’s got testicles tucked up underneath that miniskirt. You don’t get legs like that if you’re born with parts like ours.”
“Oh.” May looks into the viewfinder again, zooming in. “I don’t see any bulges. Are you sure?”
“They tuck that shit up in there so far it practically disappears.”
“Seriously?” She frowns. “I’m asking Ozzie about this. I’m not sure I believe you. I think you’re messing with me.”
I laugh, enjoying her naivety. “Whatever. Ask him.”
“Don’t think I’ve forgotten about our earlier conversation.” May’s voice has gone a little sinister.
“What’re you talking about?”
“You know what I’m talking about. Lucky. I really think you should talk to him. Open up a little. Let him see your softer side.”
“I don’t have a softer side.”
“Sure you do. Everyone does. I know that you killed someone, but that doesn’t mean you’re a criminal. I mean, you used to be a criminal, but you’re not anymore. It’s not like it means you’re a horrible, awful person who can never be happy again.”
The van jerks to a squealing stop as I slam on the brakes. A horn honks loudly behind us, but I ignore it. I look over at her, shooting bullets at her with my eyes. “Are you kidding me?”
She squirms a little in her seat. “Too far? Oops. I’m sorry. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about it for a really long time, and I’ve been trying to think of the best way to work my way up to it, but I guess it just spilled out ahead of schedule.”
“I don’t get where you think it’s any of your damn business.” I seriously want to slap her right now, or worse, but I’m not ready to deal with the aftereffects that would come from Ozzie if I indulged. He wouldn’t understand. He thinks her inane chatter and complete lack of personal boundaries are cute.
“I don’t mean you any harm, Toni. I respect you, and I like you a lot. I’ve got your back, no matter what. The only reason I would ever say anything to you about something so private and personal is because I care about you.” She sounds like she’s about to cry. “It’s the anniversary today, right?”
I get the van moving again, not sure I trust myself to respond and not be vicious. As far as I can tell, she’s the only one who remembers that horrible fact about my life, and it makes me want to rage against the world. Why hasn’t anyone else said anything? Why May? My anger is like a poison, leaking into my veins from somewhere dark, a deep hole inside me that is pure blackness. I served my time and I learned my lesson, but that didn’t get rid of the fury that sometimes threatens to take over. May is very wrong about me. I am a horrible, awful person.
“I know you’re mad, so I’ll stop talking about it, but I just want you to know that you’re important to me and you’re really important to Ozzie, and if you want to talk about what’s going on in your life or what’s happening with you or with your love life or whatever, we are both here for you. We only want what’s best for you and will make you happy.”
I speak through nearly gritted teeth. “Good to know.” And just like that, my day is completely and utterly ruined. Not that it wasn’t already shit, but this just puts a cherry on top of it. Not only is the one guy who I really care about blowing me off after having awesome sex with me, but the man who practically saved my life is talking about me behind my back with his Jet-Puft marshmallow girlfriend, who still has no business