is he acting so excited? Maybe he’s just looking forward to getting a negative result on the test so we can both have some drinks and then go home and get busy. I guess that’s not such a horrible thing. I wouldn’t mind another roll in the hay, so long as he’s gloved up.
He’s back to the car in a flash, and he tosses a white plastic bag in my lap as he gets in. It’s full of boxes.
I open the bag. “What’s in here?”
“I couldn’t buy just pregnancy tests; that would have been too awkward.” He pauses for a moment and looks at me, smiling. “I got some licorice, too. And some condoms.”
I laugh. “That clerk must’ve thought you were nuts.”
“He did look at me kind of funny. I got the impression he wanted to give me a lesson on the birds and the bees.” He feigns an old man voice. “Son, I think you’re confused about something . . . If you got one, you don’t need the other . . .”
As worried as I am about the results of this test, I can’t help but laugh at him. He’s always been that guy for me—the one who could make me laugh even when I didn’t want to.
“So, where should we do this thing?” I ask, looking around. We’re traveling back in the direction we came from.
“These things, not this thing. Plural. I bought several, just to be sure.”
I open the bag again and see that there are in fact three different boxes in there. I turn one over. Inside this particular box there are two test-sticks. I verify it’s the same with the other boxes before speaking. “You have six tests in here.”
“You can never be too sure.”
“But you can have only so much pee in one bladder.”
“Hmm . . . you may have a point there. We may have to down a few glasses of orange juice for my plan to work.”
When he pulls into the parking lot, my smile slips; I feel something a little like panic crawl back into my heart. “Are you serious?”
He pulls into a space, puts the car in park, and turns the engine off. “What do you mean? Is that a trick question?”
I use the bag to gesture at the front of the pub. “Do you honestly want me to take a pregnancy test inside the pub?”
“Why not? It’s private. There’re separate stalls in the ladies’ room, right?”
“Yes, but . . .”
“Plus we might need more orange juice, right?”
I shake my head, knowing arguing is futile. “Whatever. Let’s just get it over with.” I’m almost certain I’m not pregnant. What are the chances, right? We only did it one time without protection, and if the charts on the Internet are correct, I wasn’t even very fertile then. Maybe only a little. God, please let it have been only a little.
“Come on, it’ll be fun.” He gets out of the car and comes around to my side.
Fun? He must be insane. My butt feels like it’s glued to the seat. I can’t move.
Lucky opens my door and leans in, holding out a hand. “Come on, I’ll help you.”
I slap his hand away. “No, sir, you are most definitely not helping me.” I can just picture him in the stall next to me coaching me through peeing on a stick. I use the inside handle of the door to pull myself out of the car and stand. “I’m going in the bathroom by myself.”
“Okay, whatever you say. You’re the boss.” He grins.
I stand there and stare at him, the bag held at my waist with both hands in front of me. “Don’t piss me off, Lucky.”
He leans in fast and gives me a kiss on the nose. “I wouldn’t dream of it.” He adjusts himself to walk at my side and puts his hand onto my lower back, urging me forward.
Rather than dig my heels in, which is my immediate reaction, I follow along. With every step I take, I feel like I’m walking toward my doom. I have never in my life been in this situation, but in all the stories I’ve heard of other people experiencing it, it was never like this. They were never being led into a bar by one of their best friends with a bag of pregnancy tests in hand. I’m starting to wonder if this is just another part of my punishment, justice for the mistakes I’ve made, for what I did to Charlie. The