get away with murder.
Another TV commercial came on, showing a smiling mom serving a platter of watermelon, and even that reminded her of Kyle. She felt so bad for Mrs. Gallagher, who’d been in the newspaper after Kyle died. There was a picture of her, and she had a nice smile. She’d moved out of Brandywine Hunt and stayed in the area, but the newspaper didn’t say where.
Allie thought about her every night, wracked with shame. She knew how heartbroken Mrs. Gallagher must feel because she knew how her mother felt after Jill died. Her mother was still in the hospital, and she and her father visited her there, but she wasn’t getting better. Allie used to worry that Mrs. Gallagher would end up in a hospital, too. Allie cried at night, knowing she was responsible.
“Honey, ready to go?” her father said, coming into the room, his car keys in his hand. He was still dressed from work, in his pressed white shirt and slacks, though he’d taken off his tie.
“Where?”
“Let’s go get your school supplies.” Her father jingled his keys, but Allie looked away. She dreaded going back to school because it felt like coming out of hiding, and she would see David and Sasha. She knew they’d avoid her, but it would still be weird. David never spoke to her again or messaged her. She thought of him all the time, but what had happened to Kyle made David a terrible memory. She didn’t return Infinite Jest because she didn’t want to let it go, but she couldn’t read it, either. Oddly, the library fines added to her guilt, even at a nickel a day.
“I don’t want to go, Dad. Can we do it another time?”
“No, honey. School starts next week. You keep putting it off. Your mother told me to take you. She said you like this. You love to get school supplies, she said.” Her father smiled in an encouraging way, and Allie flashed on the annual trip to Staples with her mother. Allie had her mother all to herself for those trips, and they both loved school supplies, for some reason. They would take forever choosing highlighter colors, pencils with novelty erasers, and the correct point size for pens. Allie loved thick points, and her mother liked fine-point.
“I don’t really, I don’t want to.”
“She said you like to get a new backpack. Every year that’s your big thing. So let’s go get a backpack.”
“I’ll use the one from last year, okay?”
“She says you never want to do that.”
“I’m fine with it.”
“Honey, let’s go. Let’s go, really. It’s back-to-school time. Look, everybody’s doing it.” Her father gestured at the TV, which showed a happy family skipping into a Staples store. His eyes were worried behind his glasses, and Allie felt bad for him because she knew he was trying so hard, working all day and taking care of the house and her, but she couldn’t help him, or herself.
“Dad, they run those commercials in June.”
“Still, come on, honey. You have to go outside. You never even go outside anymore.”
“I don’t have to.”
“Honey, enough with the television.” Her father tried to take the remote control out of her hand, but Allie yanked it away.
“Dad, please. I’m not watching television. I’m resting.”
“Well, enough with the resting. Let’s go. Come on out.” Her father clapped his hands together.
“What if I have to go to the bathroom?” Allie shuddered to think what it would be like to have colitis at school. Diarrhea city.
“They have a bathroom. Honey, I’m not gonna let you do this.”
“Do what?”
“Wallow in misery.”
“I’m not wallowing in misery.”
“Yes, you are,” her father snapped, grabbing her hand, but she pulled it free.
“Dad, stop.” Allie felt disturbed. Her father had never been physically rough with her, ever.
“Get up or I’ll get you up.”
“Why can’t you just leave me alone?”
“Because we have to get school supplies.” Her father tried to catch her eye, leaning over, but Allie stared at the TV.
“Dad, please, leave me alone.”
“No. Get up. No more wallowing.”
“Why, are you worried I’m like Mom?” Allie shot back, regretting the words as soon as they slipped past her lips, and her father’s face fell instantly.
“Honestly, honey, that’s exactly what I’m worried about. You have to fight this wallowing you’ve been doing. You and me, we can’t fold up the tent. We can’t pack it in. We have to keep on keeping on. That’s why you have to get up. Not because of a backpack.”
Allie swallowed hard, surprised that he