her lawyer, then her lawyer calling his father’s lawyer, who would talk to his father, which sucked. The movie went on without Julian seeing it, thinking of Sasha.
“Oh no, who are those guys?”
“Bad guys.”
“Why are they hurting him?”
“They have him mixed up with another Lebowski. He’s Jeffrey Lebowski, the Dude. They think he’s a millionaire.”
“Wait, are they peeing on the rug?” His mother threw up her manicured hands. “Julian, how can you like this movie? It doesn’t make any sense.”
“Let’s watch yours then, okay?” Julian couldn’t enjoy it anyway. Where the hell was Sasha? Who was she with? Was she having sex with one of those seniors? Seniors got it all the time, didn’t they? They expected it! It made Julian crazy because he had loved her for forever.
“You mean stop watching it? Are you sure you don’t mind?” His mother pouted prettily, like the cheerleader she’d been, and Julian realized that beautiful women always got what they wanted. Sasha sure did.
“I saw it already. See, it turned out fine.”
“You sure?”
“Please put on your chick flick, Mom.”
“Don’t call it a chick flick. It’s a love story. Men can enjoy love stories, don’t you think?”
“Yes,” Julian said, ironically in the circumstances. Suddenly he noticed a car pulling up in front of Sasha’s house. Zachary Pearlstein’s red BMW 325.
“Here we go! Oh, I love Tom Hanks. Isn’t he just the best? I think he’s so cute. And a nice person, a good man. He’s been married to Rita Wilson for a long time, did you know that?”
“Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.” Julian had to see what was going on at Sasha’s house.
“Do you want me to put it on pause? I can wait.”
“No, you keep watching.” Julian fled for the powder room, which had a great view of the Barrows’ house.
He hit the powder room and closed the door behind him, leaving the light off and parting the curtain to look out the window. Zachary and Sasha got out of the car holding cups of Rita’s water ice. Sasha would have gotten the lemon with bits of rind, that’s how well he knew her. Zachary put his arm around Sasha and walked her to her front door. Julian could see them clearly under the light. Zachary kissed Sasha, and she kissed him back, and Julian thought he was going to throw up.
His mother shouted from the family room, “Honey, you sure you don’t want me to put it on pause?”
“No, keep watching!”
“Are you okay in there?”
“Yes!” Julian shot back, trying not to sound angry, though he wanted to put his hand through the window. Sasha was giving Zachary another long kiss, which had to be with tongues, then she let him go and went inside her house. It pissed Julian off that Zachary got to make out with Sasha when he was supposed to, this very night. It made him crazy, and he wondered if she’d kissed Zachary outside so he could see. Even though she toyed with him, he couldn’t help the way he felt about her. She was his obsession, like in that song by Fine Young Cannibals. She drives me crazy like no one else.
“Honey?” his mom called out again. “You’re missing the movie! It’s so cute!”
“My stomach is upset! I’ll be out in a little bit!” Julian flushed the toilet for show, let the water run so his mother would hear it, and returned to the window, but the scene at Sasha’s house had changed. Another guy stood on Sasha’s front step, and Julian had no idea who he was. It wasn’t Zachary, and it must’ve been somebody on foot, but Julian couldn’t make out any details because it was too dark. All he could see was the man’s back, and Sasha opened the front door, threw her arms wide, and hugged the guy. Then the guy went inside the house, and Sasha closed the front door.
Julian didn’t know what the hell was going on. Did Sasha have two dates tonight? Was this the ultimate move to drive him crazy? The Dude would have said, This aggression will not stand, man.
“Honey?” His mother knocked on the door, and Julian jumped to lock it.
“Mom, jeez, I’m coming out right now!”
“Why do you have the lights off? It’s dark underneath the door.”
“Mom, I don’t need lights. I know where my dick is.”
“No need to cuss, and you’ll miss the seat if you pee in the dark.”
“I’m not peeing! Mom, jeez!” Julian opened the door. “I said