gone lukewarm, but she sipped it anyway, feeling like she was catching her breath, maybe for the first time since everything had happened. There had been tears, reporters, and the Bakerton police, who had been called by Kyle’s mother and had interviewed Allie and her father about Kyle’s death. Larry had held her hand throughout, and Barton had represented her, having advised her to tell them the whole truth and nothing but, which she had done. No charges were filed against her or her father, as Barton had predicted, and she had finally stopped worrying that they were going to change their minds or listening for the phone to ring. Julian had pleaded guilty to their attempted murders, as well as to Sasha’s murder, in exchange for a sentence of life in prison without possibility of parole. Larry had been satisfied that justice had been achieved, though Allie was less sure. The district attorney in New York had yet to charge Julian for David’s murder, and it wasn’t moot to Allie, though it may have been legally.
She was still trying to figure out what justice was in this situation. She had her own responsibility for Kyle’s death to deal with, especially after her father’s revelation, which had started her back at an emotional square one, throwing her in tumult for a long time thereafter. She’d cut back on her hours at work, increased her therapy to twice a week, and was trying to find a way to live with what she’d done. She was hoping to find the City of Refuge, but there was no map or GPS. Some days it felt like it was around the corner, and other days it was somewhere over the rainbow.
Allie knew it was about forgiveness, but she couldn’t forgive herself yet, if indeed she ever could. She was aiming for acceptance, and this morning, just now, she actually felt a moment of peace, just one moment, and that was one more moment than she’d had yesterday or any day before that. She tried to be optimistic, and in fact, she had to be, because the baby was on its way.
They’d found out they were pregnant only two weeks ago, sooner than Allie was probably emotionally ready for, but she was learning that life was anything but orderly. Allie sensed it was for the best, in that the baby was pulling her into the future in a way that she needed in order to go forward, to live her life. She’d always wanted to be a mother, and if she waited until she felt as if she deserved a baby, she might never have one.
Allie’s hand went reflexively to her belly, and she was determined to do everything she could to earn the privilege. Having a child changed things, everybody said so, and she found herself thinking of David, about how his having a baby had made him want to come clean about Kyle, and then about her own mother, whose life had changed completely when Jill was born. So had her father’s.
Allie kept her hand on her tummy, amazed to think that there was a new life growing inside her. She felt somehow that the life was connected not only to her, Larry, and their families, but even to David, Jill, and her mother, to the living and the dead, all of the people Allie loved linked together in some eternal skein of life, like a human chain of hearts and souls, forever. Tears came to her eyes, and she didn’t know if she was being profound or hormonal, but she allowed the feeling to be, and for a moment, just one moment, it was a beautiful thing.
“Honey, you okay?” Larry asked with concern. He must have been watching her over the newspaper.
Allie looked at him with a slowly spreading smile. “I’m getting there, thanks,” she answered simply.
And she realized with gratitude that it was the truth.
Acknowledgments
I’m a big fan of “thank you,” and my first thanks go to my readers. I have written thirty-some novels and nine nonfiction books, and over the years, my readers have become even more important to me. Many of you have followed me from book to book and supported me as I expand the type of book I write, going from legal thrillers in Rosato & DiNunzio to deep domestics like this one, and even to the funny books I write with my daughter. I feel so grateful to each and every one of you for being