face-to-face.”
“What do you have to tell me? You mean it’s a secret?” Larry only half-believed her, but Allie sounded so strong.
“Yes, it is a secret. It’s a secret I’ve had for a long time, and it’s the reason everything’s wrong with us, because I’ve kept it in my whole life and I don’t wanna keep it in anymore.”
“Are you serious?” Larry rolled his eyes.
“I really am, and once I tell you, you’ll understand why I kept it to myself, and also why I am telling you, finally now, after all this time.”
“How long has this been a secret?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does to me. Was it during our marriage? Like the birth control pills?” Larry couldn’t resist the dig.
“No.”
“From before you knew me?”
“Yes.”
“Like when? College?”
“No, high school.”
“A secret from high school?” Larry burst into laughter. She had to be jerking him around. “Did you cheat in French II? Come on. Don’t play games, Allie. Haven’t you played enough games?”
“This isn’t a game. It’s a terrible thing that happened. When I tell it to you, I’m not sure you’ll want to be married to me anymore.”
“Honey, I don’t want to be married to you anymore.” Larry couldn’t resist that dig, either.
“Please, I’ll tell you everything as soon as I can, I promise. Now let me go. I love you, goodbye.”
“Okay, I’ll let you go,” Larry said, but Allie had already hung up.
CHAPTER 74
Allie Garvey
Allie picked up speed, feeling more tense after she’d hung up with Larry. She hated the way he’d said, I don’t want to be married to you anymore. Her stomach had done a backflip at the new notes in his voice, of disgust, anger, and emotional fatigue. She wanted to tell him about Kyle, but she didn’t want to do it over the phone. She would do it later, after she had met with Julian.
She passed a sleek charter bus, its smoked plastic windows impossible to see in through the darkness, except for the small TV screens flickering on the backs of the bus seats. Night was coming on, dense and cloudy, blocking the moon, as she’d already crossed the bridge into New Jersey. She had only an hour until she got to Julian’s, so she focused on the plan. She hoped Julian would agree with her that they should tell Kyle’s mother.
Allie let the idea sit a moment, allowing it to settle into her bones. After wondering about it for so long, it seemed incredible that she was finally at this point, but she was. Even telling Larry that she’d kept a secret for so long, for twenty years, had allowed a sliver of light to illuminate the darkness in her soul. Telling Larry the whole truth would be awful, but it would also set her free.
Allie had remembered Barton’s question, if you were Kyle’s mother, would you want to know? It didn’t take her long to answer that, in her own mind. Allie would feel comforted if she knew that her son’s death wasn’t intentional, but a prank that had gone horribly wrong. Even if Allie could never know how it had gone wrong, if she were his mother, she would feel better knowing the truth. At least a tiny part of her burden would be lifted.
Allie drove ahead, picking up speed because the traffic lessened at this hour. The very prospect of sitting down with Kyle’s mother made her sick to her stomach, but Allie would make herself do it. It had to be done. Maybe Julian would come with her. She would tell him that even if Kyle’s mother went to the police, the police wouldn’t charge them, and they couldn’t be sued, either. Julian’s grief over Sasha’s death might have already changed his mind about keeping the secret. He’d sounded so upset on the phone.
Allie clenched the wheel, determined. She didn’t need Julian’s permission to tell Kyle’s mother, and she wasn’t asking for it. She was going to tell her whether Julian came with her or not. If need be, Allie would keep his name out of it, like she had with Barton.
There was no going back, there was only going forward, and Allie hit the gas.
CHAPTER 75
Julian Browne
Twilight darkened the sky, and Julian zoomed on back roads through a rural area of New Jersey, which produced tomatoes, peaches, and corn. The homes were middle-class, well-maintained, if far apart. Most of the residents were crop farmers, but others were people who preferred privacy, like Mac.
Julian spotted Mac’s house behind a cornfield that was bisected