take a shower.
CHAPTER 67
Allie Garvey
Dad!” Allie said, entering the house, and her father met her at the door, throwing open his arms.
“Honey, come here,” he said, his lined face soft with sympathy, and Allie felt her defenses give way, surrendering to the comfort of a father’s embrace. She was surprised that his body seemed so frail, his shoulders knobby and spine bony through his oxford shirt. He felt like an older man, which only made her cry harder. She couldn’t lose him, too. She couldn’t lose everything. She’d been such a terrible daughter.
“Dad, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, honey,” her father said softly, his voice vaguely raspy, and Allie breathed in the familiar smells of faded aftershave and antimicrobial soap from the office.
“I’m so sorry, I should come out more.”
“No, stop, honey, don’t cry.” Her father rocked her slightly back and forth, and a memory came out of nowhere, but it wasn’t of him rocking her, it was of him rocking Jill, when Jill was so sick and hurting so much, which guaranteed the tears would keep flowing.
“Everything is going to be okay. You and Larry, you can patch it up.”
“No, Dad, we can’t.” Allie released him, wiping her eyes. “He wants out.”
“Larry loves you, and you’ve been so happy.”
“Dad, you don’t understand. Hold on, let me get a Kleenex.” Allie set down her purse and headed into the kitchen, where the two hotdogs were frying in butter, cut in half, lengthwise. Their aroma filled the air, and the kitchen looked neat and clean, if unused. The old pictures of her and Jill were still on the corkboard, but Allie tried not to look. She tugged a Kleenex from a box next to the undercounter TV, playing on low volume. She wiped her eyes and blew her nose.
“Honey, have some water.” Her father filled a glass under the faucet, then handed it to her.
“Thanks.” Allie accepted the glass and took a sip of lukewarm water. It didn’t dissolve the lump in her throat, which would undoubtedly remain there until the day she died.
“Take another sip, honey.”
Allie put the glass down. “Dad, so much is going on, I don’t know where to start.”
“Sit down, we’ll talk.”
“I want to stand, if that’s okay. There’s so much I need to tell you—”
“First, listen to me. Your mother and I didn’t have the easiest time, but our marriage was a good one, before.”
Allie felt a twinge. She didn’t have to ask what he meant by before. She knew. Before Jill died.
“Marriage is about give-and-take, and I know things can go wrong when there’s a medical crisis. You know your mother and I had one in a big way, with Jill. But we weathered that, and you will, too.”
Allie didn’t understand. “We’re not having a medical crisis.”
“I happen to know you are, honey.”
“What?”
Her father hesitated. “Larry told me you couldn’t have a baby.”
Allie felt her mouth drop open. “What? When did he tell you that?”
“Christmas. He told me not to say anything. He said you wanted to keep it secret, but you know Larry.”
“Oh, great.” Allie laughed at the irony. A man who couldn’t keep a secret married to a woman with nothing but secrets.
“He said you blame yourself because of stress. You have too much stress from your job. It aggravates your colitis. You do too much for those kids, but you have to learn to do for yourself and for a child of your own.”
Allie couldn’t believe her ears. “He told you all that? He never told me that.”
“He was trying to help.” Her father smiled shakily. “Honey, it’s okay that I know. Stephanie at the office is doing IVF. She gives herself shots for two weeks.”
“Dad, no—”
“If you don’t want to do IVF, you can adopt—”
“Dad, I’m not having a baby because I don’t deserve a baby.”
“No, don’t say that. You deserve a baby. Remember, we had you tested. You’re not a carrier for CF. You can have a healthy baby.”
“Dad, I don’t—” Allie fell abruptly silent, glancing at the TV. A news bulletin was on, showing a photo of Sasha from their high school yearbook. Underneath, the chyron read WOMAN FOUND DEAD OF SUSPECTED OVERDOSE IN DEVELOPER’S HOME.
Allie gasped. “Dad, sorry, I have to go,” she said, heading for the door.
CHAPTER 68
Julian Browne
Julian called Allie’s cell, on his burner phone. “Allie, I have terrible news about Sasha. I wanted to reach you before you saw it on TV.”
“I just did!” Allie sounded shocked. “I was just about to call you! I looked up