worked for a while. The more I fucked, the higher I got, the more I forgot. Every attempt at death had been scary. Every attempt had failed. I was a sure-fire failure in that department.
Holding onto the railing I gaze down over the edge. I wonder what it would be like to live in hell permanently. I’ve only ever visited. Never stayed for too long. The devil held my hand, laughed, and kissed me. He stole my breath only to force it back into my lungs so I’d wake up again. I thought for a long time that it was some sort of sick joke the world was playing on me. I couldn’t have possibly survived three attempts at death. Each one is a reminder of everything that I’ve failed in life.
Living? I’ve never lived until I met Mason. All the sick, fucked up things he’d say to me, the way he fucked me, it just all made sense. What shifted it all was the other night when he didn’t fuck me. He made love to me. I never thought that I would feel something that would make me feel so perfect, so real in my life. So loved; he loved me. Even all of the demons from my past couldn’t break through that moment.
“Miss come on, let’s talk about this,” the cop says behind me.
He’s been trying for a few minutes now to talk me down, but he can’t. No one can.
“Go away!”
“I can’t do that.”
“Then shut the fuck up at least.”
Why did he have to try and steal my moment? This is my time. This is my destiny. He wants to ruin that. Just like all the others. He wants to ruin me.
“You might wanna get down from there.”
I gasp. That voice. He can’t be here. How the hell did he even know? How did he find me? Glancing over my shoulder I see Mason shoving one of the cops off of him.
“Mason, just go home,” I tell him looking forward again. I need to let my inner self say her piece before I can jump. That bitch needs to hurry it up. The war in my head has already been lost.
“I will, but only if you come with me.” His voice is closer now. I take a shaky breath and turn around so that I’m facing him. Cops, bystanders, and guys from the club are all standing back about twenty feet watching us.
“You asked me once what Armando did to me that day.” Mason nods his head with his arms hanging limply at his sides.
“I did. You wanna tell me now?” he asks. His voice is hard and firm. I’m glad one of us is holding it together.
“He fucked me. I let him. Then he brought in others. Men, women, they all took their turns. You know, I can handle a lot of things, but being forced wasn’t one of them Mason. It hurt,” I cry. I reach up with one hand and wipe the tears away. I can’t be his weakness. “I cried for you. How stupid was that? A man I barely knew and I wanted you to save me. Armando laughed and said that no one could save me. That I was nothing but garbage. I felt so dirty Mason. I’d never felt like that before.” The tears keep falling down my cheeks even when I don’t want them to. I can’t seem to stop them.
“You aren’t dirty Whit. You are the purest thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on. You are special. You are vibrant. You don’t let the world shut you down. You push yourself harder than anyone I’ve ever met. Don’t do this. I love you Whitley.”
I gasp as the words leave his lips. “You can’t love me. I’m broken.”
“I’ll fix you. I’ll fix us.”
Turning slowly around I look back down at my fate. My heart is a mess. It thunders in my chest. I can do this. I know I can. Just one step. One little push.
“You asked me how my sister died.”
Mason’s voice cracks behind me. I can’t look at him. My head is a mess. I’m fighting a war inside of myself. Do I jump or fall into Mason? I can’t fucking be what he needs.
“She jumped off this very bridge. A few miles down. I was too late. She didn’t listen to me. I’m beggin’ you Whitley. Do you fuckin’ hear me? I’m fuckin’ beggin’ you to stay with me.”
I can practically hear the tears in his