loss of someone that close to you. Reaper showed up a scrawny kid, but he turned into a good man. He was a trusted brother.
“All good?” Mason asks.
“Yeah. I’m headin’ in. I’m stayin’ here tonight. Drank a little more than I should have,” I chuckle.
Mason grins and nods his head, “See you tomorrow prez.”
I give him a half wave and take my drunken ass back inside. I head straight to the bar and grab a few shots and some cigarettes. As I turn to head down the hallway, I see her. She is sitting on the floor curled into herself. Sobs can be heard down the hall, but when I step up next to her she stops. Her head pops up and she wipes her eyes quickly.
“What’s with the tears?” I ask her trying to sound at least a little comforting.
“Nothing. I’m fine.”
That right there. The nothing, I’m fine bullshit tells me just how young she really is. Not a lot of women will say that shit. Nope, they blurt it the fuck out, whatever it is that’s bothering them and expect you to make it all better.
“I’m goin’ to my room. You wanna drink or talk come on in.”
I walk past her and head into my room. I kick the door closed behind me. I don’t have time to baby her. I’m drunk, horny as fuck, and damn near on the verge of calling Tink. I set my shots on the night stand and pull a joint free from the drawer. I drop onto the bed, light it up, and inhale. It doesn’t take long before the door cracks open and the sexy little tear stained face of Carnie walks in. She stands hesitantly in the doorway looking at the floor.
“You gonna come in or just stand there?” I ask her inhaling once more.
Carnie closes the door slowly before walking toward the bed.
She sits on the edge and starts wringing her hands in her lap.
“You smoke?” I ask her as I hold the joint out to her.
She takes it with a shaky hand. She brings it up to those perfectly plump lips and fuck me; I need to get my head together.
Chapter 4
CARNIE
My head feels fuzzy and my limbs are now numb. I’m not much of a smoker, but damn I feel good.
So much better than I did before. Viking passes me a shot, which I take down quickly.
“You wanna talk about why you were cryin’?” Viking asks as he lies back on the bed and props his arms behind his head. I giggle a little as he smiles lazily up at me.
“Everything just feels so stressful. I wanted to get a job, but Eric told me no. I wanted to go back to school, but that was a no too. It’s like he wants a fucking housewife and that’s all I can be,” I tell him. Damn this weed has me spilling everything. I’m way too open right now.
“What’s wrong with bein’ a housewife?”
“It’s just not me. At least I don’t think it is. Not with him at least. I don’t really know anymore.”
That’s the part that hurts the most. I’ve been with Eric for four years. He’s grown up in ways, but in others he hasn’t. He’s changed over the years too. He’s not the loving guy he was when I first met him. Don’t get me wrong he can be, but when he uses it’s all just a mess.
“What do you wanna go to school for?” Viking asks taking the joint from my fingers. I watch as he brings it to his lips. Damn those lips. I don’t realize I’m staring until he chuckles.
“Art. I want to teach art to kids.” The words slowly fall from my lips.
“That sounds like a good plan. Why let him stop you? What’s holdin’ you back?”
“He is. I’ve been with Eric for years. I thought he was what I wanted.”
“You don’t know now?” he asks as if he can read my mind. I shake my head and grab another shot. I swallow it down.
“I don’t know anything anymore Viking. I’m tired of not being good enough, not skinny enough, or pretty enough.”
A sob catches in my throat. Viking shoves himself up the bed to sit at the headboard. His eyes burn into me even though I can’t fully see him.
“Turn around Carnie.”
Slowly I slip back further on the bed and turn around to face him. Those ocean blue eyes now hold tidal waves of emotions. “These the things he tells