it, and afterward I usually felt like ‘that’s it?’ So I thought maybe I just wasn’t into sex. And I was cool with that.” Another shrug. “If I’m ace, I’m ace. But then I’d see a guy who’d make me think, no, I definitely want sex. I just want it with him, not with her… and then my mind would start down its spiral of wondering how much of that was me and how much of it was my ex getting into my head, and…” He threw up a hand and laughed humorlessly. “So I’ve just been confused all this time, and now…” A sweet smile formed on his lips. “For the first time in a long time, I’m not.”
“We haven’t even slept together, though.”
“No, but I really, really want to.”
Oh dear God. The raw desire in his eyes…that was for me? Holy shit.
“Yeah.” I breathed. “Me too.”
“I am so fucking nervous about the real thing, though.” He wiped a hand over his face and sighed. “I feel like a clueless virgin. I swear, I’m not. I’m just—”
“This is new territory for you. Being with a man, and also being with someone who isn’t a toxic little shit like your ex.”
He blinked.
“What?” I shrugged unrepentantly. “Am I wrong?”
He laughed softly, shaking his head. “No. No, you are not wrong. You just say out loud all the shit that I never can. Because yeah, she was toxic as hell.”
“Were you ever happy with her?”
Jase seemed to consider it, then shrugged. “Honestly? Not really. I mean, there was a while in the beginning where we got along and everything, but it never felt…” He paused. “The thing is, she was really interested in me, and I thought she was gorgeous, and everyone kept talking about how you know you’ve made it as a pro athlete when you’ve got a supermodel girlfriend.” He rolled his eyes. “Except it never felt right. Not even when things were good between us. I felt like I was supposed to be with her, but I didn’t belong with her, if that makes sense.”
I nodded. “Yeah, it does.”
“And then things went to shit, and, well…” He waved a hand. “Now my head is a bigger train wreck than it was when I started dating her, and up until recently, I barely knew who I was.” He quirked a brow. “That sounds insane, doesn’t it? Letting someone fuck up my head that much?”
“Not nearly as insane as you might think.”
“Really?”
“Oh, yeah. I’ve had some exes work me over, too.”
His eyebrows rose and he inclined his head, as if he wanted me to go on.
I took a deep breath. “I had a boyfriend ages ago who basically cheated on me with everyone in town, and then blamed me for it.”
Jase blinked. “He blamed you?”
“Yep. He wouldn’t have cheated if I’d given him more attention, or if I’d put out more, or if the sex had been better, or… Anyway, after I caught him the last time, I went and got tested—again—for everything known to man. It all came back negative, thank God, and he couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t touch him. Obviously he didn’t have any diseases since I didn’t, so what was my problem?”
Jase barked a laugh. “Really? He was that clueless?”
“Totally. So I told him if he really, really wanted to get laid, he could pack his things, get the hell out of my apartment, and go find another piece of ass.”
“And did he?”
“That night. Good riddance. In fact that ex is actually…” I chuckled. “Well, the silver lining is that a couple of shitty ex-boyfriends are the reason I have Dallas.”
Jase tilted his head. “How do you mean?”
“Her mom and I went through some nasty, nasty breakups at the same time. Like, literally a couple of days after I booted out my boyfriend, she finally broke up with hers, because holy shit, that guy was a piece of work. We were drinking and commiserating and drinking even more.” I felt myself blushing. “And, um, that’s how we ended up with Dallas.”
Jase blinked. “Seriously?”
“Mmhmm. Haley and I have never been together. Not like in a relationship, I mean. We moved in together to save money when she was pregnant, and we were basically roommates who co-parented until she met her husband. After they moved in together, we just kept co-parenting from separate apartments.”
“Wow. And that worked?”
“Oh yeah. Still does. We never dated and never wanted to, so we never had a breakup. We’re basically friends who had a