gone out shopping for a few things she needed for a class project. Normally I’d Amazon Prime a lot of that stuff, but she’d kind of procrastinated on telling me about it, and we didn’t have much choice but to brave a few stores to find what she needed.
Fortunately, we’d long ago vetted some places that she could go to without too much trouble. Fluorescent lights couldn’t really be avoided, but she had sunglasses to help with those.
Right now, we were at a craft store that was mercifully light on heavily-scented products, and I’d just paused to check my email on my phone while Dallas perused a rack of unscented markers.
Keeping my poker face was surprisingly easy around her. She was in a good mood, and just knowing that I’d ruin that if I let the mask slip was all the motivation I needed to stay as close to normal as I could.
As we moved on to the aisle with foam core poster board, my phone pinged in my pocket again, but I let it be. It was probably Richard again—he was one of those people who sent like four or five emails in a row because he’d remember a bunch of shit he’d left out of the first—and I’d deal with him when I got home. Especially since I didn’t want Dallas to get curious. I hadn’t told her yet that I’d been working with the Snow Bears to arrange for more low stimulation hockey nights. I wanted to make sure things actually started happening before I got her hopes up. The poor kid had to deal with enough disappointments and frustrations in her life without me yanking that rug out from under her.
Or maybe I was just a coward, which would explain why I still hadn’t told her that Jase and I had split up. Sooner or later, I had to tell her, but every time I tried to… I mean, damn. When she was talking excitedly about last night’s game, or when she sat down to breakfast in a Snow Bears shirt, or when she was already miserable as hell because another migraine had knocked her flat that afternoon?
Yeah, I probably was a coward. In fact I was pretty sure I was.
And I would tell her. I could only hide it for so long, after all. The season would end and I wouldn’t be able to brush off his absence as him being on the road with the team.
Just…not tonight. I’d promised myself several times that once I could think about the breakup without my eyes tearing up and my throat getting tight, then I could tell her. I was still bound and determined to let her continue being a fan of Jase Kelly, and I’d ruin that if I broke down crying while I told her we’d broken up.
Coward. Definitely a coward.
“What do you think of this color?” Dallas held up a piece of purple foam core. “It’s not too dark, is it?”
“Hmm. It might be if you’re going to write on it.” I gestured at the next shelf down. “What about that one? It’s still purple, but not quite as dark.”
She put the first back and took out the lighter one. She lifted her sunglasses, then put them back down and nodded. “Okay. That works.”
I held out my hand. She gave it to me, and as she looked over her list, I tucked the foam core under the arm I was using to carry the basket she’d already loaded down with a few markers and a bottle of glue. Then we continued down the aisle.
A scent caught my attention, and my neck prickled. I took a deep breath through my nose. Then another. After a second, it clicked—we were an aisle or two over from the candy-making section, and some of the chocolates they had for melting were strong-smelling. They also didn’t generally bother Dallas, so I relaxed.
I exhaled as I followed her. Sometimes it was exhausting, jumping on every stray scent like a bloodhound and quickly analyzing it to make sure I didn’t need to take Dallas someplace else. I had to be constantly vigilant for flickering or strobing lights or loud noises. I had to keep her meds with me just like I kept my EpiPen.
Can you really blame Jase for not wanting to sign up for this?
I shook that thought away. No, I didn’t blame him. No one wanted to sign up for this. Dallas and I sure as hell hadn’t. If