kneaded the back of my neck. Nights like this were hard, but goddammit, Dallas was more than her migraines. She was a great kid. She was stronger than a kid her age should be because she hadn’t been left any choice, and she was still sweet, funny, and optimistic. Her migraines were a burden on her, but she was no one’s burden, and even though I understood why people balked at our situation, it was frustrating and it hurt. I understood how daunting it was to date a single parent, and how much more daunting it was when there were health issues that affected daily life the way Dallas’s did. I got it.
But goddammit, was it really too much to ask for someone to see me as a boyfriend who was worth the rest of the package deal? And for someone to see Dallas as a kid who was more than migraines and sensory precautions? Just this one time?
Apparently so, given Jase’s panic over it.
Heart heavy, my mind and body both beyond exhausted, I shuffled back into the living room and dropped onto the couch. Someone had to get these low stim game nights rolling, and if not me, then who? So I got back to work on responding to emails.
On the end table, my phone vibrated, and I rolled my eyes. Come on, Richard. Just give it a rest tonight. Please?
But the second I looked at the screen, my spine straightened. The message wasn’t from Richard.
It was from Jase.
Can we talk?
Goddammit. Just seeing his name had my emotions going haywire all over again.
Hands a little unsteady, I wrote back, Okay?
It was non-committal and maybe a bit cowardly, but I also couldn’t read between the lines of his text to feel him out.
He started and stopped typing several times. Enough times that my screen went dark more than once.
Finally, a message came through:
I’d rather do this face to face.
“Fuck. Seriously?” I glanced down the hall, then wrote back, I have Dallas tonight. I didn’t mention that she was sick. No way in hell was I using her medical issues to jab at him or try to get sympathy from him.
Okay, he wrote back. When is good? I’m in town until Tuesday.
I exhaled into the silence and rubbed my forehead. Did I want to do this? Did I really want to?
Dallas goes back to her mom’s on Sunday. Can meet you after.
As soon as I’d sent the message, I cringed. We were doing this, weren’t we? I was going to see him face to face, and we were going to talk about God knew what.
Great. Now I just had to keep from losing my mind between now and Sunday.
Chapter 37
Jase
Pulling into the parking garage of Devin’s apartment building, I had never been more nervous in my life, and that said a lot. Despite the handful of coping methods my therapist had given me during yesterday’s Skype session, I’d been tempted more than once on the way over here to pull off the road, open the door, and heave a few times. I’d also been tempted to turn back and not do this at all, but I steeled myself and kept driving. Fear be damned, I was doing this.
I parked in a guest spot and headed upstairs. At his door, I hesitated. It wasn’t too late to turn around. I’d be a coward, and I’d probably regret it forever, but right here, right now, years of regret sounded a hell of a lot more palatable than facing him and however this was going to go down. If I walked through that door, then I’d probably still be in the same boat—going on without Devin, regretting that I’d ended our relationship, wondering what might’ve been if I hadn’t been so stupid…except I’d also know how this encounter went down. Right now, I could still bail. Once we were face to face, well, I’d probably have a lot more to regret than I would if I took off now.
But there was a chance things could turn out right. Devin was willing to talk to me, and while that was probably so he could tell me to my face how much I’d hurt him, there was a tiny chance he really did want to hear me out.
Still hemming and hawing outside Devin’s apartment door, I closed my eyes and tried to hold on to everything my mom had said.
“Apologize. Explain why you did it and why you were wrong. Tell him how much he means