managed to write: Yes, definitely. LMK when. Looking forward to it.
Talk about an understatement.
I put my phone on the nightstand and settled into bed. As I lay there, my mind stayed firmly on everything we’d done in Jase’s car, and I wasn’t at all surprised when I started getting hard again. Why fight it? It wasn’t like I’d sleep tonight before I’d relieved this tension.
Eyes closed, I slid a hand beneath the covers. Looking forward to seeing Jase again? Oh yeah, because just the little taste I’d had tonight had me so turned on I was shaking.
I had no idea what was going to happen when we saw each other again. I had no idea where this was going to go, or if it was just sex, or… Or I didn’t know.
All I knew was that tonight I’d kissed Jase Kelly.
And I couldn’t wait to see him again.
Chapter 9
Jase
I couldn’t get Devin out of my head.
Long after I’d packed for the road trip, showered, and gone to bed, I was still wide awake and thinking about the man whose lips had left mine tingling all the way home.
I wished I could say I felt good right then. And I felt great about this evening and how everything had gone with Devin, but right on cue, as soon as I was alone and had nothing else to focus on, my mind revved up like a racecar engine. Instead of drifting off with a head full of long looks and longer kisses, my brain had to burn rubber over every way this could go wrong. Every worst-case scenario.
One kiss had broken me out of the “am I gay or not?” loop I’d been stuck in for ages, and that had left me off-balance. And even if I could have gotten my head around it in a single night, the fact was I didn’t know how to be relaxed. I needed something to sweat about and lose sleep over, or I didn’t know what to do with myself. I assumed, anyway, since I couldn’t remember a time when I didn’t have something to sweat about and lose sleep over.
I’d jerked off in the shower—twice—but still couldn’t fall asleep. A hockey game and two orgasms couldn’t knock me out when my brain was whirring this fast.
Because… What now?
What if I still sucked in bed when I was with a guy? What if I wasn’t enough for Devin like I hadn’t been for my ex-girlfriends? What if I was okay to fuck, but not to date? Or vice versa? Or both?
And Devin had a daughter. What if I was good enough to fuck and good enough to date, but I wasn’t someone he wanted around his kid? He probably expected any serious boyfriend to be a stepdad for her, so what happened when he realized I wasn’t stepdad material?
God, just thinking about being a stepdad made my heart race. I was probably passable as a fuck buddy or a boyfriend, but a parent? Was I cut out for that? I was probably getting way ahead of myself, but the fact was, Devin had a daughter. She was obviously the center of his world, which she should be.
Maddox had four kids—one with his ex-girlfriend, three from his wife’s first marriage. These days, as far as he was concerned, they were all his kids, but I remembered when he and Crystal had first started dating. He’d been nervous as hell about being a stepdad, and he’d already been a dad to start with!
So what if Devin and I started dating for real? What if, by some stroke of luck, we ended up doing more than messing around in the front seat of my car? Not just sleeping together, but being together? I could barely get my head around being a boyfriend, especially since I’d done such a shit job in that department in the past. I wasn’t cut out to—
“Fuck,” I muttered into my silent bedroom. I scrubbed both hands over my face. What the hell was wrong with me? Literally all Devin and I had done was make out a little in my car and make plans to see each other again. What was the point of worrying about whether I’d be able to pull off being a stepdad when I didn’t even know if we’d make it past the first night together?
Except this was how my mind worked. One of the reasons I’d never upgraded from my condo was how much I’d freaked out after