taken off his jacket or shoes? Mmm, I’d be reliving that in my dreams for a while.
The second time had been longer and lazier, and now I was so blissfully satisfied, I felt like I really was drunk.
The sex was great, but as far as I was concerned, this was the best part—lying together with my arm around his shoulders and his slung over my stomach. Sometimes the positions were reversed, but this was how we’d landed tonight, and I loved it.
Except tonight, he was tense. Even after we’d both come twice, and we should’ve been relaxing in the delicious afterglow, he wasn’t quite relaxed. I couldn’t put my finger on how I knew—something about him just felt off.
“Hey.” I stroked his hair. “You good tonight?”
Jase hesitated. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.”
“You sure?”
He was quiet for a moment. Then he rolled onto his back. Gazing up at the ceiling, he said nothing, but I could practically feel the gears turning in his head.
I turned onto my side, propped myself up on my elbow, and laced our fingers together, but I didn’t say anything.
After a while, he took a deep breath. “So, I told my brother about me.” He swallowed. “And about us.”
“Oh, right, you said you were going to do that.” I watched him, trying like hell to read the tension in his features. “How did that go?”
“It was… It was good. He was cool.” Jase swallowed again. “Didn’t really settle my nerves about telling my parents, though.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because he has no idea what they’ll do.” He absently scratched his neck, then kept his hand there and rubbed as if the muscles were getting painfully tight. “I need to tell them. I want to tell them. But I’m terrified.” His voice was shaky, and the more he talked, the faster he spoke. “I have no idea what they’ll say, and I… God, I want to come out so bad, but I don’t want to lose my family over it, you know? But then if I don’t tell them, and someone finds out and outs me to them, or if my parents see one of those articles speculating about us, or—”
“Whoa, whoa. Slow down.” I took his trembling hand, and I was surprised to find his palm sweaty. “Jase. Take it easy.”
He closed his eyes and tried to catch his breath, but he was shaking all over now, and his breathing was rapid and shallow. Not quite hyperventilating, but getting there. He wiped his free hand over his face. “Fuck…”
“Hey. Baby, look at me.” I touched his face. “Come on. Look at me.”
He did, but he was still shaking so bad his teeth were chattering.
“Just breathe, okay?” I stroked his cheek.
He closed his eyes again and took some slower breaths. Little by little, he came down, and though was still shaking all over, his breathing had slowed to something less alarming. “Sorry,” he whispered. “I get myself worked up sometimes, and…” He rubbed the back of his neck again, wincing this time.
“Sometimes?” I studied him. “Wait, does this happen a lot?”
“No!” He shook his head quickly. “No. No, it’s… I mean, sometimes. It’s not usually this bad, but yeah. It’s a thing. Sometimes.”
I squeezed his hand. “Was this what you wanted to talk to me about a while back? When you said you wanted to talk, but then…”
He winced and rubbed his neck again. “It… Yeah. It was. And I’m… Ugh. I’m sorry you had to see it.”
“Jase, it’s nothing to be sorry about.” I gently clasped his hand and kissed his palm. “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”
He laughed humorlessly. “Like that’ll stop me from being embarrassed about it.” He sighed. “It’s not something I like people to see, and I wanted you to know about it. Before…” He ran his fingers through his sweat-dampened hair. “Before you actually saw it happen.”
I touched his shoulder. “So this is… This is normal for you?”
Avoiding my eyes, Jase nodded and wiped an unsteady hand over his sweaty face. “Yeah. Always has been.”
“Really?”
“Mmhmm. If I can stress myself out over something, I will.”
“But there’s stressing yourself out and there’s stressing yourself out.”
“I know. This is how I’ve always been, though.” He laughed humorlessly. “When I was a kid, I freaked out over movies. Not just horror movies, but anything that got my mind going like ‘what if that really happened?’ Like I could watch shit like Titanic and it was fine because when the hell was I going to be on a ship like