being intimidated by the whole damn world.”
I nodded. “Still. I’m sorry.”
“Me too.”
“And, listen, um… I don’t want to put pressure on you. I don’t need you to be a stepfather to my kid, but I do have to protect her as much as I can. She adored you long before we ever met or thought about dating, and I don’t want to take that away from her.”
Jase swallowed, nodding slowly. “Yeah. I get that.”
I went on, “If we do try this again, it can’t be an on-off thing. I’m not asking for a commitment, or telling you we have to lock this down forever. Just…” I chewed my lip as I searched for the words, and after a moment, I exhaled, shoulders sinking a bit. “I just can’t put a revolving door on us. I can’t deal with it myself, but I cannot do that to my daughter.”
He nodded again. “I totally get that. And I don’t want to do the on-off thing either. It’s exhausting. Been there, done that.” Jase searched my eyes. “But…how do we do that? Dating me isn’t going to be easy, and—”
“Don’t put this all on you.” I squeezed his hand. “We’re both in this. All I’m asking is that we talk things through and we don’t make any rash decisions about staying together or breaking up. If we’re not in it for the long haul, then we’re not, but we can do it without dragging her through it, you know what I mean?”
“Yeah. I do.” He watched our hands between us, his thumb rubbing against mine as deep crevices formed between his eyebrows. “Maybe, um…”
“Hmm?”
Jase inhaled slowly. “Maybe if we hit a rough patch, we can talk to someone. A counselor. Just… Even if they can’t help us put things back together, then maybe they can help us walk away peacefully. So it’s easier on Dallas. And us.”
I blinked. “That’s a really good idea.”
“Is it?”
“Of course it is. I’m not opposed to outside professional help. Not at all.” I watched him silently for a moment, noting the creases in his forehead that hadn’t relaxed. “You’re still worried about things, aren’t you?’
Jase laughed self-consciously, still avoiding my gaze. “To be fair, that’s kind of my natural state.”
“Maybe it won’t be for long.”
He looked at me then, confusion written across his expression.
“I think…” I hesitated. Lacing our fingers together between our chests, I chose my words carefully. “Hopefully the more your therapist works with you, that won’t be your natural state anymore.”
Jase closed his eyes and blew out a breath. “God, that would be nice. I don’t even know what it’s like to not be this way. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it sooner. It’s…um…”
“Probably not something you enjoy talking about.”
“No. Especially since I never know how someone’s going to take it. My ex…” He waved a hand. “She wasn’t great about it. Let’s just leave it at that. Some of my buddies have gotten tired of it.”
“What about your teammates? Do they know?” I paused. “Wait, you said they do. That some of them help you.”
Jase nodded. “They do. And it’s not like I can really hide it from them. They see me more than most people. And they’re… Well, they know about it. If they think I’m getting ready to lose it—I can’t believe I didn’t realize those were panic attacks, but… Anyway. Like I said, they know to grab Maddox or Kuznetsov, and they can help me ride it out.”
“That’s great that you’ve got some one there who can help you. Especially two of them.”
“Right?” Jase exhaled. “And the other guys… I mean, I’m sure they’re not thrilled about it, but I guess they figure as long as I can still play hockey, they can deal with me being a train wreck in the locker room.”
“You’re not a train wreck.” I pressed a kiss to his knuckles. “You just have some hardcore anxiety, and I’m really, really glad you’re getting it treated.” I paused. “For your benefit, not mine. You’ll probably be a lot happier once you can get a handle on it, you know?”
He nodded.
“I’m serious. There’s no shame in seeing a therapist. In fact, I’ll probably start seeing one again eventually.”
He tilted his head. “What for?”
I shrugged. “Just someone to talk to when I’m trying to figure out how to handle something that Dallas is going through, or sort out my stress so I can cope with it.” I sighed. “When I can afford it, anyway.”
Jase bit his