fast, so ferociously that it’s making me shake.
“No, Mom,” I say with a voice that’s shaking too. “I’m not with Sarah anymore because we shouldn’t have gotten together in the first place. Our whole relationship was a mistake and the evidence of that is the fact that she cheated on me. And I didn’t tell you because I was ashamed. Because I thought I’d failed and I wasn’t perfect. Because I thought perfection was everything and I didn’t want to disappoint you. But I’m glad it happened. I’m glad she cheated. I’m glad I’m not perfect because if I was then I wouldn’t have noticed her. I wouldn’t have noticed the girl for whom I’m going to fucking destroy this Samantha Miller. That’s her name, isn’t it? For her, I’m going to tear apart those guards because they dared to touch her. And I’m going to fucking crush every single person who stands in my way. And I’m going to do all of that because she’s the girl I’ll do anything for. She’s the girl I’ll be anything for. Do you understand? She’s my girl and I’m going to her.”
I forgot to hide my shoeboxes.
I forgot to put them in a safe place and now my letters are gone.
I kept telling myself that I would. That I would carry them all in my backpack and go across campus and hide them up in the third-floor bathroom or bury them by the gardenias or something.
I mean there are a lot of places where I could have hidden them.
But I didn’t.
“I forgot.”
I hear my own scratchy voice and I think I said it out loud.
But I can’t be sure because things are a little hazy as well as a little loud. There are beeping sounds around me and I think that my eyes are closed too.
When I blink them open, I see a room I’ve never seen before but I immediately know what it is.
That stink of bleach and the white pristine ceiling can only belong to one place. Plus the beeping machine by my head and the drip that hangs by it and is connected to my arm are a clear indication.
I’m in a hospital.
Because they took my letters.
Because I forgot to hide them and they were reading one out loud and I didn’t know how to make them stop.
“Hey, you’re awake.”
It’s Callie.
I turn my head to look at her. “Hey. Yeah.”
She’s sitting on a chair beside my bed and she looks haggard. Her eyes are swollen and there are dark circles under them. Still she’s smiling at me, her elbows on the bed. “How do you feel?”
I blink several times, trying to think.
I even try to move my body but everything feels so heavy and clunky. So lethargic and foggy.
“Dizzy. Lazy.”
She chuckles. “It’s okay. I think you’re just weak. The doctor said that your sugar level was pretty low. And you just needed something to eat. So they gave you that.” She points to the drip bag that’s connected to my arm. “But it’s fine. You’re gonna be fine.”
“What happened… to me?”
She sighs. “You were screaming and running toward Miller. We kept telling you to stop but you wouldn’t listen so that stupid fucking bitch set the guards on you. And you completely…” Her fingers mimic explosion. “Blew up. And then just passed out.”
I blink again, several times actually, as a lump settles itself in my throat. But somehow, I forge on. “What are you doing here?”
“They agreed to let us come see you. Not at first though. But we did some arguing. Plus Principal Carlisle called when she found out that Miller was holding us in her office. She kept us there for hours, interrogating us. Principal Carlisle got really mad about it. Said we should be with you until she gets back from New York. Poe and Wyn are here too, by the way. They’re down at the cafeteria.”
I lick my dry lips. “Thanks for having my back.”
Callie squeezes my arm and I realize I’m in hospital clothes, a yellow paper-type gown. “Are you okay though?”
That lump of emotion gets bigger, clogging my throat again, and all I can do is whisper, “I forgot. To hide them.”
Callie’s eyes tear up. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Salem. I feel like it’s our fault. We asked you to go and –”
Somehow, I get enough energy to put my hand over hers. “No. It’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault. I should’ve hidden them somewhere and I knew…” I try