decision.
I stagger into the closest bar after I’ve managed to pull into the side. I’m still reeling from the shock of defying death. My heart is racing. I want to call Kim. I want to pick up my phone and dial her number and hope to hear her voice. But I don’t have my phone with me. I’m not going to call her. Whatever we had…the flicker of a relationship, is over.
I don’t know this place. The music is too loud. It’s more a nightclub, less a bar. I don’t even know how I got in. My vision seems blurred, and it’s probably all this fuckin’ neon lighting everywhere.
I try to push through the pulsating crowd to the bar where the drinks are being served.
There are too many people here. I can hardly even hear myself think. There’s no way the bartender is going to attend to me. I pull out my wallet, pull out my platinum card, and wave it in the air.
“I’ll buy everyone’s drinks here if someone gets me a damn whisky!” I shout.
Over the thumping music, my voice carries loud and clear. Everyone around me turns to look. The bartender looks up too. His eyes seem to glint brightly when he sees my card and he grabs a bottle of whisky and starts pouring.
“Make that a double,” I growl and slide the card over to him.
I’m surrounded by people who cheer and clap. I had no intention of actually interacting with any of these people, but suddenly, they all want my attention.
A girl slides up beside me. She looks much younger than me; she’s probably even younger than Kim. Her blond hair takes on a weird green color in this bar’s lighting. She leans towards me, smiling. I notice the firetruck red of her lips.
“You’ve just bought yourself a handful of fans,” she says, swinging her hips deliciously to the rhythm go the music. My eyes float over her, I’m assessing every inch.
A few weeks ago, before I met Kim, I would have had a very different reaction to her. Right now, I just wish she would leave me alone.
I grab the glass of whisky off the counter where the bartender left it for me. I drink most of it in one shot.
“Looks like you’ve had a bad day,” she continues, shouting over the music. I turn to her, feeling my eyelids become heavy. The whisky is taking a quick effect.
“Yeah, something like that,” I mumble. I don’t expect her to have heard. I don’t expect this to turn into a full-fledged conversation. But she sidles up even closer beside me.
“You know, one of my special skills is to brighten up people’s days,” she says, tilting her head to the side and dramatically batting her eyelids. She smiles widely too.
“And how do you plan on doing that?” I ask, and she gives me a knowing wink.
I don’t know her name. I didn’t bother asking. She takes my hand and starts pulling me through the crowd and in the direction of the toilets in the back.
I can’t remember the last time I fucked someone in the toilets of a loud nightclub. She giggles when we get to the door. She backs up against it, pulling me to herself. Our faces are literally inches apart, and then I get a whiff of her perfume.
It’s very sharp. Very strong. And all of a sudden, something snaps inside me, and it strikes me that this is not Kim.
I don’t want to be with this girl. She is nothing like Kim. Doesn’t smell like her. Doesn’t smile like her.
I pull away, and the girl thrusts herself forward, looping her arms around my neck.
“What’s wrong?” she asks, parting her mouth wide. Now that we are out of the neon light and I can actually see her face, I see how drunk she really is. I feel drunk too, and angry. But more than anything, I feel like I need to grieve the loss of Kim.
“You should go home,” I say and peel her arms off me.
Her brows furrow and she pouts.
“But I thought we were going to have fun!”
She is starting to sway a little on her feet now.
“I’m sure you’ve had a very fun night, but right now, I’m going to call you a cab.”
“You wanna come back to my place?” she asks with a silly smile on her face.
“No, you’re going home by yourself.”
I grab her hand and start leading her through the crowd. At first, I feel her resisting,