to keep her from looking at me.
“Kim? What’s going on? Are you seeing someone?”
She’s directly behind me, and I don’t need to look at Blaire to know she’s glaring at me now.
“You know I would tell you if I was seeing someone.” Another lie. How many more lies am I going to tell her? She trusts me completely. I know that. It hurts my heart. I can feel those knots tightening again in the pit of my stomach.
Has Blaire already experienced all the things I’ve been experiencing with Kirk? The meals? The weekend getaways? The expensive jewelry? I don’t even want to think about the sex…
“I never see you these days, and now you come home in the middle of the night, claiming you’ve been working late, reeking of a man’s cologne.”
I know I have to face her. I should just tell her. If she doesn’t want me to see Kirk again or wants me to quit my job, that is what I’ll do. It will hurt. It will break my heart, but I will do it.
Sisters before misters.
When I turn around, I can see Blaire’s eyes are very red.
“Have you been drinking?” I ask, and she rolls her eyes.
“It was a work thing. A cocktail party.”
“You should get some rest and we can talk tomorrow. Soon,” I say.
She glares at me for a few more moments and then lets out a sigh like she’s giving up.
“I’m sorry for accusing you of rubbish. You’re right, I should sleep it off.”
“I’ll make up the couch for you,” I say.
“Just call me a cab. I’d rather sleep in my own bed. We can talk tomorrow, but you still owe me an explanation,” she replies.
I got off too easily, but this isn’t going to last forever.
Blaire is gone, and I’m alone in my apartment.
I have a shower, change, and get into bed even though I know sleep isn’t coming.
My hand inadvertently goes to the necklace resting on my chest. I haven’t taken it off since the day he bought it for me. The thought brings a smile to my face. Kirk…
Have I really stopped to think? It has been a whirlwind. Since the first time we had sex, to the weekend in Vegas, to the past two weeks, I haven’t really had the time to examine anything.
What are we doing?
Are we dating? Is it just casual sex? Is it just exciting because we work together, and technically, we are forbidden from being with each other?
I know what I want from him. Despite all how I lead a modern life, I still want a few old-fashioned things. I want a man to love me unconditionally. I want him to ask me to marry him. I want a house and children.
I grew up watching my parents in their idyllic world, and I want a slice of that.
I know it isn’t what Kirk wants. He never had what I had. He doesn’t view family-life the way I do. We have never taken it that far in our conversations, but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want kids.
I close my eyes and imagine having a child with him. For a few minutes, I let my mind wander to that dream. I see an image of me with a full belly, carrying his child. My hand wanders down to my flat stomach. What would it feel like with a swell? With Kirk pressing his ear to my belly to detect the baby kicking inside.
My eyes fly open when I think about my last period. When was that?
I sit up in bed, fumble for my phone, and look through my calendar notes.
“No, no, no, no!” I’m mumbling under my breath.
The last time I had it was over six weeks ago. Way before the first time Kirk and I had sex.
But I distinctly remember him using a condom! We were protected. Not a hundred percent.
I jump out of bed. I don’t have any pregnancy tests in the apartment because before I met Kirk, I didn’t have a sex life. I quickly change into clothes again and run out of the apartment.
For the first time in my life, I’m going to have to go to a drugstore and purchase pregnancy tests. I definitely didn’t think I would be going through an experience like this without Blaire by my side. I need her here for support and reassurance. But I can’t tell her. I don’t know what I’m going to do.
Even though I was just fantasizing about having a baby with Kirk, this