photos he showed me of Kirk and me.
But this morning, I see that the light of day hasn’t changed anything.
I am still pregnant.
I touch my belly and close my eyes. I can start feeling the panic rising again. What am I going to do? I don’t know how I will deal with this, but the one thing I do know is I most definitely can’t go to the office today. I won’t be able to face Kirk or look him in the eye. Knowing that I’m carrying his baby.
I go back to my bedroom and crawl into bed again. I manage to write a quick email to Kirk.
I have the flu. Woke up feeling awful. I can’t come in today, not sure if I can come in tomorrow either. I’ll keep you posted.
The email is sent, and I close my eyes. I’m picturing Kirk sitting in his office, at his desk, staring at his computer screen as he talks to someone on the phone. Then Kirk’s booming and commanding voice in the board room. I picture him in his dark suit, with his blue eyes and dark hair stylishly brushed to the back as always. The perfect man.
But not mine.
The father of my child.
My hand shakes as I lift up the phone when it pings. He has sent a reply.
Take as much time as you need. I’ll get Mike or someone else to fill in for you.
I push the lump down my throat. I have to keep reminding myself we are not in a relationship. He is my boss. This is a message a boss has written to his assistant, that is all. What we have outside the office is not permanent. Not forever. But this baby is going to be.
I’m still holding the phone in my hand, and I know I have to call Blaire. Last night, I let her think she was wrong. That she was drunk. I’m done lying to her. I’m done avoiding her. It’s time for me to come clean and ask for her help.
I dial her number, and Blaire answers groggily. I hope she isn’t too hungover.
“Blaire?” My voice cracks.
“Hey, sorry about last night. I just woke up and remembered!”
“Blaire…please, could you come over?”
I’m on the verge of crying. I shouldn’t cry. I need to hold back until she gets here.
I hear Blaire come in. I’m still in my bedroom. In fact, I haven’t moved since I got back into bed and called her.
I hear her heels clicking as she walks to the door and gently pushes it open, calling my name.
I’m sitting up in bed, probably looking like a complete mess. She’s standing there dressed to go to work. She always manages to look impeccably outfitted and beautiful. My beautiful friend…and I have betrayed her.
The tears well up in my eyes again, and I try to blink them away.
Blaire has coffee and a paper bag of doughnuts and muffins.
“I knew something was up last night! Are you sick? What’s going on?” She rushes over to my side and sits on the edge of the bed. I shake my head wildly.
“No, I’m okay. I’m fine. There’s nothing wrong with me.”
“Kim, it’s me. You know you can tell me.”
I look up at her. My lips are quivering. I feel sick, and I can’t tell if it’s the pregnancy or the burden of my secrets.
“I’m pregnant,” I finally say.
Blaire is staring at me, at first like she thinks this is a joke, and then concern spreads over her face. She puts the food and coffee down on my bedside table.
“What are you talking about. Just a few weeks ago, you told me you’re a virgin.”
I nod and dab at the corners of my eyes. Everything is starting to blur.
“I was a virgin then.”
“So you’re telling me you had sex with someone since? When? With whom? Oh my God, Tyler?” She gasps and covers her mouth with her hands.
“No! It’s not Tyler! I haven’t seen him since that night at the bar.”
She is shaking her head in confusion.
“I don’t understand what’s going on. You slept with someone? Is it Chase? Another ex? Some guy who is back in your life?”
“Blaire…do you hear what I’m saying? I’m pregnant. I’m actually going to have a baby!”
She gulps nervously. Her eyes are wide with shock. The words are hitting her now. Just like me, she is lost.
“We’ll get through it, Kim. You’ll see. You’re going to have a baby, and we’ll do this together. You don’t have to do it