alone. Or is the father…are you guys together?”
She’s staring at me; I’m staring back. I don’t have an answer to that question. I don’t know if Kirk and I are together. What the relationship means. Chances are if he hears about a baby, he’s going to run miles away in the opposite direction. He has yet to come to terms with his existing family.
“Blaire, it’s Kirk,” I say. I have to tell her. I can’t keep it a secret. She has to know, even if he doesn’t.
Her brows are furrowed, and she looks at me blankly for a moment before she bursts out laughing.
I don’t join in her laughter. I just stare at her, waiting for the truth to settle in. Blaire takes her time. She even takes a sip of her coffee, and when she realizes I’m not going to correct my statement, she takes a deep breath and stands up.
“You slept with Kirk?” she asks.
I’m trying to push through. I just have to rip it off like a Band-Aid. I know what I’ve done. I knew this day was coming. I won’t blame Blaire for walking away from me now.
“He is the father of this baby,” I reply.
She breaths in sharply. I’m expecting her to scream. Blaire is not the kind of woman who will sit back while she is being wronged. She will speak up about it.
“I’m going to kill him,” she hisses, and I watch as she walks over to her purse, supposedly to fish out her phone.
I jump out of bed, run to her to grab the phone.
“No. Blaire! Wait! He doesn’t know.”
She has her phone in her hand and looks up at me. I can see the anger in her eyes. This is what I was expecting, but I was expecting some of this anger to be directed at me too.
“Well, we’re going to tell him, right? He needs to take responsibility for what he has done.”
“You’re making it sound like he did something to me!”
Our voices are raised now, we are trying to talk over each other.
“He did do something to you, Kim. He is your boss. Your superior. He used his position of power over you.”
“It wasn’t like that,” I say.
“You were a virgin just a few weeks ago.”
“Well, yes.”
Blaire gulps. Her nostrils are flared. I’m afraid that she will spontaneously combust.
“How soon did it happen?” she asks.
“We had sex for the first time about three weeks ago. Nearly a month ago.”
“For the first time?” she says, echoing my words. Her voice is strained.
“Blaire…” I say her name pleadingly and reach for her hands. She lets me hold them. “I am so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I wanted to, but I didn’t know how.”
“So this whole time, the two of you have been sleeping together behind my back?” she asks.
I press my eyes close and nod.
“It didn’t happen immediately. We were both fighting it; there are so many reasons why it was a bad idea.”
I can see her gritting her teeth. I hold my hands together like in prayer.
“I’m really sorry if you feel betrayed, Blaire. I know I don’t deserve your friendship. I don’t deserve you at all. You don’t have to stick around. You can leave now. Never speak to me again. I don’t expect you to forgive me. I just want you to know the truth.”
Blaire is breathing heavily. For a moment, I think she is going to walk away, but she doesn’t. She stays.
There is so much silence in my apartment today that I don’t think I can bear it.
Blaire and I drink the coffee, and we take the food to the kitchen so we can get plates. She reminds me I wouldn’t want crumbs on my bed later. It seems like she is taking the time to process the information first before talking about it. I feel like someone is squeezing and twisting my gut and that I can’t breathe.
I want to know how she feels. If she is doing okay. But I don’t want to push her.
We eat in silence, and then, finally, Blaire clears her throat and looks straight at me.
“Are you in a relationship with him now?” she asks.
“No. I don’t think so. I don’t know what we’re doing,” I reply. No lies. Only the truth.
She gulps and comes towards me. Slowly, she reaches out and places her hands on my shoulders.
“Kim, you should have told me this sooner.”
Her voice has changed a little. I breathe a sigh of relief. I’m not