doesn’t feel like a dream come true.
I can’t believe I’m pregnant.
It’s been three weeks since the first time I had sex, and I’m pregnant already.
I’m sitting on the floor of my bathroom, staring at the row of three pregnancy tests. Each of them has come back positive. Bold red lines.
I wrap my arms around my stomach, but I can’t feel anything. I don’t know how this is supposed to feel. There’s a tinge of joy.
The truth is that I have always wanted to be a mother. I have always wanted a family. This is the secret I have been keeping from Blaire. I’ve never been able to discuss it with anyone, not even my parents, because I don’t want to disappoint them.
Everyone has these expectations of me—which are the opposite of what I want. My peers around me are all chasing careers, and that makes me feel like it is what I should be doing too. That is what my parents want for me. It is why they have worked so hard to educate me, put me through college, and now they are so proud that I work at such a prestigious organization.
The simple truth is I don’t want any of it.
I have always wanted a child. I want to raise a big family. I see myself as a mother, and I always have, even when I was a kid myself. Other people have dreams of making it big. Money, fame, success. I have never wanted much other than being a mom and having a family.
I’m scared to admit it to Blaire. She has worked hard on my behalf too. She is ambitious and smart, and she is not about to be slowed down by a pregnancy or something as silly as falling in love. I don’t expect her to understand why these things mean as much to me as they do.
Apart from the excitement for finally getting what I want, I’m also nervous. This is not the way I saw myself starting a family.
I don’t know what Kirk will say, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t in his plan either. Should I even tell him? Would he want to know?
The one thing I do know is it will change our relationship completely. It’s not just a casual, sexy thing anymore; there is another life involved, and I don’t know how to handle it.
I want to tell Blaire, and I don’t know if I can.
I should tell my parents, but I’m not sure if they’ll understand either. I’m not married. More importantly, the man who’s baby I’m carrying isn’t even a boyfriend. He’s my boss and someone I shouldn’t be sleeping with.
Just a few weeks ago, I was a completely different person, and even though I wasn’t truly happy and had insecurities, I wish I could go back to a time when I hadn’t met Kirk Silvers.
It’s past midnight when there’s a manic knock on my door.
By this time, I have managed to drag myself out of the bathroom, bury the pregnancy tests in the trash, and put myself into bed again.
I sit up in bed and rub my eyes. I can’t tell if I’m dreaming or not. I’ve been in a sort of daze since I found out about the pregnancy.
The knocking gets louder and more violent, and I know it’s actually happening.
Blaire? Kirk? Who else can it be?
I go to the door and open it to find Chase on the other side.
How can he be here? He doesn’t have my address. We haven’t seen each other since we broke up all those months ago in college.
“Chase! What are you doing here? How did you find me?”
He looks me up and down, but not in the way Kirk does that makes me feel beautiful.
“I have my ways, Kim. All information is now available online.”
Before I know what he’s going to do, he pushes his way in. I don’t even have a chance to stop him. Chase has always been an assertive guy. The kind of privileged individual who will take what he wants as aggressively as he needs to. But this is a new side of him I haven’t seen before. He was rude to me when we broke up, but he hadn’t charged at me like this.
I feel protective of the baby growing inside me. The baby nobody else knows about.
I leave the door open and spin around to him. He’s looking around my apartment. At the photos of my family, of Blaire and me on the walls.
“Looks