laugh. I swear she has this ability to make everyone love her without even trying. She’s the sweetest little girl with the biggest heart and the most beautiful soul. She’d understand, Cash. If she knew the truth, she’d forgive you.”
Tears streamed down the sides of my face, one right after another. I didn’t try to hide them. I didn’t run away. I didn’t want to.
Not from her.
Never from her.
She was my June.
“I figured it out on my own, Cash. It was easy to connect the dots. You don’t talk to Harley. You don’t talk to anyone from back home. You’ve completely isolated yourself from your whole family. From the people who love you. Most of all ... from me.”
Her heart was breaking for the man falling to pieces in front of her, physically feeling my body crumbling to the floor. I let her see me for who I was. She needed to know what she was getting herself into.
I was fucked up.
So fucked up.
“Everyone makes mistakes,” she expressed like she was reading my mind. “Nobody is perfect. It’s what you do to fix the errors of your ways that make you human. I don’t know what happened between Harley and you, but whatever it was, I know you did what you thought was best. My brother loves her with every last piece of his soul. He always has. But it doesn’t change the fact you can love her just as much. Come home with me, Cash.”
I bowed my head, and she grabbed my face. Jackson was everything I wanted him to be, and I struggled with the desire to tell her I knew all that.
I chose him for her.
Needless to say, I never expected her to share, “I’ve tried to show her who you are ... through music. She loves your music. Johnny Cash, The Rolling Stones, Nirvana, she knows them all. From the first verse, ’til the last lyric. I gave her a huge part of you. She deserves it. She deserves to know you. Not once did Jackson or Harley stop me. Not once did they argue. Not once did they say anything about it. I swear they know I know. And I think a big part of them wanted her to have you.”
More tears slid outta my eyes, crushing her heart further. This gorgeous, stunning angel in my arms couldn’t have been more perfect. Even with all my flaws, she still taught my daughter who I was. Giving her the biggest part of me.
Music.
“She’s why you drink, right? The drugs? The running away? It’s Bailey. You’re running from her?”
I tried to yank my face outta her tight grasp, ashamed.
“No! You will listen to me.” There was no reluctance in her voice. “I came for you. It wasn’t Lars. It was you.”
Our eyes locked again.
What?
“Yeah, that’s right. I came for you. Because she needs you. Harley needs you. Your mom, your sisters, your dad... We all need you. Do you understand me? You can’t run from this anymore. Are you hearing me?”
I shook my head no and closed my eyes. I hadn’t seen or spoken to them in what felt like an eternity. They were always on my mind. I missed my family more than anything.
Especially, my momma.
All I ever wanted was for them to be proud of me and now look... I was everything they didn’t want. I’d become my own worst nightmare.
“Come home with me, Cash. Please, just come home with me,” she repeated, hanging on the same thread I was.
Freely burning in my ring of fire right beside me.
“I know everything will be okay if you come with me.”
I gripped onto her body tighter, trying to mold us together. Into one person.
I needed her. God, how much I fuckin’ needed her.
She. Was. My. Muse.
My girl.
My Junie.
“Open your eyes. Open your eyes and look at me. Just fucking look at me.”
I did.
She kissed my forehead, my cheeks, my neck, pecking her way up to my lips. Stopping when they were centimeters apart, the closest they’ve ever been to one another.
“Junie,” I whispered in a tone of pure agony. “Show me what love is.”
It was the first thing that came to mind.
“I’m going to show you what love is, Cash McGraw! You’ll see! I’m going to show you!”
It was a memory I thought about often. The night I said goodbye to her, she was so little, so determined, so wholeheartedly loving. I never saw her as anything other than a baby girl with a crush on me.
At this point, there was no holding back, no starting over, we had nothing but this moment. Where she was with me, we were together, and for the first time in my life, it felt right.
She felt right.
We felt right.
The urge was too consuming, too powerful, too life changing.
I. Kissed. Her.
Grazing her lips at first, teasing her with the tip of my tongue all along the outline of her mouth. I wanted to remember this kiss as if it were my first, as if it were...
My last.
Tenderly.
Slightly
My tongue sought out hers.
It was the best kiss of my existence. The sweetest embrace I’d ever experienced. I took my time with her, not wanting to lose a second between us. Needing it as if she was the air in my lungs, the beat in my heart, the love of my life.
I kissed her with everything left inside of me. Wanting her to understand my shame and remorse, the agony of what I gave up for a life to be spent alone with no one but the memory of them left in their place.
With each kiss.
Each caress.
Each groan that escaped from my lips, she felt the weight of my truths fall upon her.
There was no running away from them. I never could. Booze and drugs were the only thing that kept the demons at bay. Which was only borrowed time, a limited number of minutes where they didn’t wreak havoc in my day. Silencing the error of my ways.
Journey was proving to have the same effect.
I kissed her one last time, allowing my lips to linger for a few more seconds before resting my forehead on hers. My hands were still clutched onto the sides of her face. Her eyes were closed as her chest heavily panted for air. We were in our own little world. Both trying to find our breathing, and when she finally opened her eyes all she saw was me staring profoundly at her. Seeing my future in her hands.
She knows all your truths, Cash. She knows, and she’s still here. In your bed. In your arms. In your world. She’s with you. Through it all, she’s still here with you.
I couldn’t process it fast enough. I sought out her refuge, her light, her fuckin’ heart and soul. Only darkness surrounded me for so damn long. I was so tired of it all.
Exhausted.
Drained.
Giving up.
Her words.
Her love.
Mine.
She was submerged in my sea of agony. Drowning right along with me. Praying we’d come up for air, together. She wouldn’t leave me, nothing could make her leave me.
“Junie,” I rasped against her lips. “Show me what love is.”
Breaking hearts.
Shattered souls.
Coming together...
As one.
There was no thought, no hesitation, no indecision. She was mine. She’d always been mine. I wasn’t going to let her go.
Not now.
Not ever.
Then.
Now.
Forever.
Coming full circle, I demanded,
“Marry me.”
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