really exists. But I traveled there one day, just to see. I couldn’t get anywhere near the volcano; the smoke is too thick. It’s unnatural. But … there’s this presence. I can’t explain it, but it’s like there’s something within the smoke, something powerful. I’d bet my life that’s where it’s hiding. But for your sake, Amora, I hope you never find it.” With that she stands and makes her way to the door. “Remember to use ointment twice a day to help with the scarring. And keep doing your stretches. Take it easy, Your Majesty, and good luck.”
When the door shuts, Bastian’s eyes bore into me, searching. “Did you know what the artifact could do?”
The longing within him intensifies, as does my own. With the power of the gods in our hands, we could change everything.
“I didn’t know everything.”
We could raise the dead … I could bring back Father.
The hunger in Bastian’s eyes tells me his thoughts aren’t far from my own, and for the first time since having this curse, I wish I could pry myself deeper into his mind to see what he’s thinking.
“You really miss them, don’t you?” I ask.
Bastian rolls back his shoulders, straightening himself before he answers, “Every day.”
“And it never gets any easier?”
There’s a long moment where he says nothing, screwing his lips tight in thought. Then, slowly, he crosses the floor to the cot I’m on and settles himself upon the edge. As he takes hold of my hand, my skin cools.
“Loss can drive people to do shameful things.” His thumb brushes slowly across my knuckles, though his eyes are distant, lost somewhere within Bastian’s thoughts. “For me, it made me flee my home for years, leaving my people to suffer. For Rogan, he gave up his ability to love, and was willing to sacrifice his wife and child.
“I don’t know if it ever gets easier,” he continues. “If it does, then I’m still waiting. Because no matter what Kaven did—no matter the pain he’s caused and everything he took—I still miss the days before he found Cato’s damn knife and decided his purpose was to change Visidia. I still wonder if I could have changed things. If there was something I did wrong, or an opportunity I missed that could have saved my family.”
Bastian doesn’t look at me; I can feel his soul is tearing at the seams. It’s the same as my own. Even without this curse between us, Bastian and I are the same.
“Loss will rip you apart, Amora.” There’s a sense of urgency in his hazel eyes. “It will take whatever you give it, and it will never be satisfied. So don’t you dare give it yourself.”
His grip on my hand tightens, and I know exactly what he means without needing to ask. Bastian doesn’t need to read my thoughts to understand my soul. If he could have brought back his parents, I’m sure he would have done it.
Father wasn’t always a perfect man, and he was far from the perfect king. But gods did I love him.
I could live with my curses forever if it meant I could use the godwoken’s magic to see him again.
To seek his advice. Sail with him. Go on an adventure, and chase down the fiercest beasts of the sea.
Gods, what I wouldn’t give to hear his laugh one more time.
But no matter what I use the godwoken’s magic for, I must pay a toll far heavier than I ever imagined.
To have what you most want, you must give up what you most love.
There are many things I love; but what is it that I love most? What, exactly, will I be forced to pay if I’m to use this magic?
“Promise me you won’t use that artifact.” Bastian’s voice is as soft as I’ve ever heard it. “When we find it, we’ll figure out a way to use it that doesn’t require such a steep payment. I don’t want you touching it, Amora. Not before we figure out a better way.”
Fear rolls from him in waves, but I’m not offended. He’s right to doubt my intentions.
If I had the power to bring Father back, he and I could heal Visidia together. We could find a different way to restore soul magic to the kingdom. He could atone for what he did.
“I promise.” The lie passes my lips before I think to stop it. “Once we find the artifact, we’ll find another way to use it.”
I peel from my bed beneath Bastian’s scrutiny,