the hammers, but I keep losing it. I keep losing—
The sudden weight on my body is enough to give me pause. To make the tunnel expand just a little as the hammers cease their pounding. The shouting I’d heard becomes clearer, and I recognize now that I’m not the only one humming.
The tunnel snaps.
Bastian holds me tightly from behind, arms wrapped firmly around my chest. “It’s okay,” he says with a soothing firmness. “It’s okay, I’m right here.”
I wrap my hands around his arms and sink into his chest as the shaking steadies and the tightness in my lungs ebbs away. He picks up humming the shanty when I can no longer continue, not needing to be asked. My body is lead against his, so heavy and tired I can barely move. But at least I can see, again. At least I’m back in reality.
“Are you with me?” he asks, to which I manage a quiet grunt in response. The tension in his shoulders relaxes some, and he loosens his grip. I tighten mine in response, anchoring myself back in reality and away from the memories I’ve desperately been trying to keep shelved in the farthest crevice of my mind.
“Take your time,” Bastian whispers. “Just breathe. We can stay like this all night if we need to.”
And though I know he means it, I also know he’s wrong. Because I’m not a tourist here for a spa trip; I’m the Queen of Visidia, and there’s an entire island expecting me tonight.
There’s nothing I want more than to remain exactly like this for the rest of the evening. Unmoving, protected and whole, listening to the soothing sound of this boy humming spectacularly off-key. I don’t know if I physically can move. Even breathing is painful, and my vision is still so bleary that I worry it’ll never normalize. But I don’t have the luxury of sitting in my feelings, no matter how much I might need to.
“I have to get up,” I tell Bastian, though neither of us takes any step toward moving. Instead, we sit there for another long, quiet moment before he eventually stirs.
“Is this what happened a few days ago? When you saw the ginnada?”
I swallow the slowly shrinking lump in my throat. “It’s happened a few times.” I worry he may ask for more details, like the things I see when this happens, but he doesn’t. Instead, he presses a kiss to my temple, still cradling me.
“I’m sorry you’re going through this, Amora. But we’re all here for you.”
I’m not sure how long we sit there, but Bastian holds me until my muscles relax, the tension ebbing away. My body aches as I force myself to roll off his chest and rise shakily to my feet. He’s standing within the second, waiting to see if I need him as I fix my ruffled hair and smooth my pants. Looking in the mirror, I see my lips are swollen and my eyes red-rimmed and puffy. But in the darkness of the night, I’m hopeful no one will be able to tell.
Once I’m ready, I take hold of Bastian’s offered arm and let him lead me through the hall, grateful for his presence. My body feels as though I’ve overused my magic, thoroughly exhausting myself. I focus my energy into every step, hoping that with some food and distraction from my own thoughts, I’ll be able to ease up enough to believably participate in tonight’s festivities.
“You’ve got this,” he says, and I try to sink into those words. To wrap them around myself as armor. “I’ll be right there if you need me.”
“Thank you.” I squeeze his arm, just once, and feel his body go lax. “And I can try to be there, too.”
His expression softens and he looks ahead, knowing just as I do that there’s no turning back, now. Not from him, and not from the hundreds of bachelors hungry for the title of king as we throw ourselves into the fray.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Parties on Curmana are far from the loud, bustling events I’m used to.
There are no merchants perched behind stands of sugary-sweet ginnada. No cooks with sweat on their brows as they dole out skewers of freshly roasted meats or glazed Ikaean desserts, and no uninhibited laughter from dancing partygoers who flock around barrels of wine and ale that line the streets.
Instead, there are Curmanans dressed in sleek onyx robes who use levitation magic to float tiny portions of food and moderately filled flutes of sparkling